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Mr. Tito's PHAT WWE Royal Rumble 2021 Review
Submitted by Mr. Tito on 01/31/2021 at 10:53 PM


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Welcome, one and all, to Mr. Tito's PHAT WWE Royal Rumble 2021 review that is brought to you exclusively by NoDQ.com. I was writing this show as it was happening and also posted it immediately as the show ended (or as I call it, "Insta-Column"). Thus, what you're reading is from a longtime writer's feelings and immediate opinions as the show was happening.

Heading into this show, I had a ton of anticipation... For once, Wrestlemania didn't feel certain for both brands and for both Men & Women. Lots of surprise names being thrown around but nothing definite. Then, last week, a wrestling news source suggested that something "scary" was being seriously discussed for the Men's Rumble. On top of that, we had the plans about Bill Goldberg on whether he'd win the WWE Title or somehow enter the Rumble Match and win that.

For once, I'm heading into this show with no expectations and lots of anticipation for some surprises. I was rather excited...

So how did the show live up to the hype?

Here is my review...

------------------------------

Mr. Tito's PHAT WWE Royal Rumble 2021 Review

God bless you Pat Patterson. THANK YOU.

I did watch the pre-game show and watched Charlotte Flair/Asuka vs. Nia Jax/Shayna Baszler. It was a standard women's tag match, as I was shocked to see Charlotte Flair in a pre-game show. Match was predictable with Lacey Evans and Ric Flair interfering to help Nia and Shayna win. I'm not going to complain much, as I was pounding lots of pizza during this match. It was something that you'd expect in a pre-game show. [ ** ]

First official match of the Rumble Pay Per View was Bill Goldberg vs. Drew McIntyre, as much of the Internet Wrestling Community is on "pins and needles" about Goldberg. Not me. Drew doesn't impress me much. Viva la WCW, baby! Goldberg has changed up his tights more towards shorts instead of his usual tights and he's looking not as toned physically either. He is 54, after all... Sad that the WWE keeps going to the Goldberg well but NOBODY else is over right now. Drew attacks before the bell rings but gets overwhelmed by Goldberg on the outside. Spear through the barricade and Drew is taking his time on the outside to (a) kill time and (b) let Goldberg breathe. Drew is selling the ribs but kicks him in the mid section and then his finishing kick, 2 count only. Misses the 2nd kick attempt only to get speared by Goldberg. 2nd spear by Goldberg. Goldberg attempts his only other move, the Jackhammer, and we get a 2 count only. Jackhammer looked more like a suplex, Bill... Goldberg misses a spear into the turnbuckles and Drew then hits another kick for the 1, 2, and 3. DREW WINS, Internet, so now you can breathe a sigh of relief. Typical Goldberg match with finishing moves only and short, but not as exciting as the Lesnar ones. [ * ] Afterward, Goldberg's body is red, he's out of breath, covered in sweat, and he's limping out of the ring. Thankfully, no Miz cash-in either, though that crap will still loom...

Up next, we have Carmella vs. Sasha Banks... WWE tries hard with Carmella but I just don't know, doesn't do much for me. Reminds me of that high school classmate that overdoes it on the make-up or revealing clothing to compensate for something. Meanwhile, Sasha Banks is so natural and charismatic. She also doesn't need multiple image or character changes (besides the hair color). The "Boss" has always been her. Wow, I've never seen anyone tie up someone with their own hair to the ring ropes before. Interesting. Reginald distracts, gets thrown out, and then Carmella almost breaks her neck by diving through the ropes. Those moves need banned, WWE. After a series of kicks between each other and missed top rope moves, eventually the Bank Statement delivers the submission to Carmella. Sasha Banks retains and now we'll see who faces her from the Rumble. [ ** ] I've seen enough from Carmella on the top spot. Lots of new faces out there to put in there with Sasha.

Backstage, the New Day are hanging out and Kofi revealed that he had Luke Harper on his tights. That's good stuff.

For whatever reason, Bad Bunny is here to perform music that I don't understand a single word of and Booker T is just standing there during his performance. Can we get back to the wrestling please?

Women's Royal Rumble is up next... Bayley is #1 entrant while Naomi is #2. Or technically speaking, co-#1 entrants. Naomi needs to show us that she's more of performer than just her entrance plus she needs to stay healthy. Naomi looks gorgeous tonight with the outfit and hair, best she has ever looked (and she has had many great nights). Many people's pick, Bianca Belair, is #3. She and Naomi botched some moves at first but then did some cool acrobatic reversals. Billie Kay looking strange at #4... I must have missed a gimmick change or two. She sits at ringside because why not? At #5, we have Shotzi Blackheart in a tank. Wow, I thought that was a NXT thing. Shayna Baszler is at #6. Never been my cup of tea, as I wasn't shedding any tears when Vince McMahon was confused on how to use her last year. Toni Storm is next at #7, as the Women's roster is so thin that we've got some of the NXT oddities coming our way. Billie Kay is doing a weird thing where she's presenting her mugshot to each wrestler to team up and then goes back to the announcer's table. Who is writing this utter crap? Jillian Hall at #8 and she agrees to join Billie Kay. THIS IS TERRIBLE!!! Ruby Riott at #9 and somehow, she forms an alliance with Jilian and Billie Kay. And then I'm VERY HAPPY to see Victoria at #10. She was one of the finest to ever do it and it's great to see her back.

Peyton Royce is up next at #11, as she made everyone's jaw drop this weekend on Instagram. Thank you, Peyton. Brief Iconics reunion... There you go Peyton, you got what you wanted. Santana Garrett is up next at #12 for some high energy and Liv Morgan joins at #13 for the Riott Squad to have 2 wrestlers. Jilian and Billie were both then eliminated and maybe now we can get serious with this match again. Good God... Rhea Ripley at #14 and I'm so thankful. Kill everyone, please! Deck gets more stacked as Charlotte Flair enters at #15. It's amazing to see how much Flair and Ripley are just towering over everybody. They are in a class of their own. Cool spot with Ruby Riott getting eliminated by Bayley with a powerbomb off the apron. Dana Brook at #16 and everybody is standing around and waiting to take her top rope moves... *face palm* Torrie Wilson at #17, who is also a favorite on Instagram. I don't care if this one wins or loses, anytime she appears on a WWE show, I'm a fan. Considering she never wrestles, the fact that she can join a Rumble match and still remember some moves is impressive. #18 is Lacey Evans accompanied by Ric Flair. Lacey wears the Ric Flair robe into the ring and of course Charlotte is gonna be pissed about that. #19 was Mickie James, always a personal favorite. Interesting to see Mickie and Charlotte going at it. #20 was Nikki Cross and pretty much gets a piece of everybody in the ring.

Alicia Fox was #21. Good for her. For whatever reason, R-Truth runs into the ring as people appear to be chasing after him for the 24/7 title. Alicia Fox then rolls up R-Truth to win the 24/7 title! What the hell. Mandy Rose at #22. She just looks way different to me with shorter hair. Rose eliminated Fox and R-Truth rolled Fox up on the outside to regain the 24/7 title. Wow, this is hot garbage. #23 is Dakota Kai, as we're unloading the NXT roster here. Carmella is #24 and she's at least selling the effects from the earlier match. Reginald helped save her from being eliminated, too. Tamina at #25 and she nails Reginald with a superkick to cause him to drop a caught Carmella. See ya. Tamina goes right after Rhea Ripley for a real HOSS match-up here folks. Crazy stuff with Naomi and Bianca on the outside of the ring, as Naomi avoided landing on her feet and used Bianca's ponytail to pull herself back in. Lana at #26 and then Alexa Bliss at #27... Bliss is all happy at first and then everyone gangs up on her. Then, as she's trying to do something goofy with the Production Truck, Ripley tossed her out. LOL, for those who picked Alexa to win it, do you like them apples? I'm sure half of the internet wrestling fans are CRYING with Bliss getting eliminated. Ember Moon at #28. Wait, wasn't she demoted to NXT? Botched finisher on Baszler. Nia Jax at #29 and teams up with Shayna to start cleaning house. Now, there is a conflict with Nia between her two partners of Tamina and Shayna that leads to Tamina getting eliminated and then Nia and Shayna fight. Lana tries to confront her old bully Nia Jax and runs away from her, only to trap Nia by pulling the ropes down and Nia gets eliminated. Natalya arrives at #30 but gets attacked at ringside by Shayna and Nia. No injury angle, as Nia/Shayna toss in an injured Natalya.

FINAL FOUR was Natalya, Charlotte Flair, Bianca Belair, and Rhea Ripley. Bianca eliminates Natalya after Nattie tried to eliminate Ripley. 3 of the best pure female athletes remain and Ripley, Belair, and Flair are all standing. We endured all of that CRAP to get to an outstanding last 3. Belair and Ripley team up to eliminate Charlotte. Both almost eliminated each other and then both agreed to calmly get back into the ring. Now, it's one on one with the FUTURE of Women's wrestling (if the WWE lets them). Both ladies are complete studs as athletes and look amazing. After many many reversals, Bianca Belair eliminates Rhea Ripley. I was LOVING the one-on-one action between those two ladies to end this. That SAVED this hot garbage booked Rumble. [ *** ] WWE Creative needs terminated for how much of this Rumble match was scripted. It was terrible, particularly the first 1/3... However, Bianca Belair was an amazing athlete throughout this and deserves to be commended. Belair vs. Banks could be an amazing Wrestlemania match!

Backstage, Miz and Morrison are trying to hang out with Bad Bunny for a cringe moment. Miz begins to rip on Booker T and then Booker T appears to scare Miz like the wimp he is.

At the announcer's table, Peter Rosenberg gave a nutshot at R-Truth to win the 24/7 Title. God help me.

Roman Reigns vs. Kevin Owens is up next... Still would have preferred Adam Pearce in this spot just for something different. If you've seen one Owens match, you've seen them all and we know that WWE has zero wishes to put Owens anywhere near a Wrestlemania main event. In comparison to Owens, Roman looks like a pro wrestler and a main eventer with his modified look since his SummerSlam 2020 return. This is a "Last Man Standing", which means that we'll get lots of hardcore wrasslin' and these boring 10 counts. Seems like Kevin Owens is always in these no disqualification type matches that allows him to brawl around the arena and usually take a high spot somewhere onto tables. Rinse & repeat. Both wrestlers brawl around the arena before making their way onto the top of the Thunderdome... Where, as you guessed it, Kevin Owens gets tossed onto tables. Told ya. Owens somehow gets up from that big fall and staggers around the backstage area. Taking a page out of AEW's brawling playbook, Roman Reigns hit Owens with a golfcart and that shattering windshield could have badly hurt both guys. Owens gets up from that, somehow... What does Roman need to do next? Shoot him? Seems like Roman is selling a minor table spot more than Owens sold falling from a greater height and getting hit with a golf cart. Owens is now climbing a raised forklift and dives into Roman who was laying on a table. WWE pipes in the "holy sh**" chants for that one. And both guys beat the 10 count after that and Owens especially feels hardly nothing. Say what you will for 2021, but Roman Reigns knows how to sell now. Roman somehow finds the energy to hit a Superman punch and then spears Owens through the entrance screens. Roman breaks out black handcuffs but Owens steals them from him and handcuffs Roman to the lower part of the lighting rig. Smart Roman attacks the referee before he can count to 10. Nicely done... Paul Heyman arrives with the key but struggles to unlock Roman timely, causing the replacement referee to slow down and then stop his count. Yikes, quality control guys... Roman applies the chokehold to Kevin Owens and that does it, Roman retains his title. [ **** ] For what it was, the match had some brutal and violent brawling and some very dangerous high spots. However, we've all seen this before from WWE brawling matches and Owens always takes high leaping table spots. The lack of selling highly dangerous moves was disturbing at times for me.

Finally, the Men's Rumble Match is up next! Edge is #1 technically, followed by Randy Orton at #2 (technically co-#1). Good to see Edge back, as it was a shame to see an injury cut his comeback short. Let's hope he does more than just wrestle Randy Orton for 2021. Edge goes right after Orton to start this match at the entrance way. Sami Zayn at #3, as I remark again how it appears that the WWE picked him up from a park bench. Fix that guy's look, WWE! #4 is Mustafa Ali and he looks TINY in comparison to Zayn, Edge, and Orton. Yikes! 3 on 1 with the heels attacking Edge and loving it. Jeff Hardy at #5 to even up the babyface/heel dynamic. And then Orton turns on his fellow heels. Dolph Ziggler at #6, entering his 14th Royal Rumble according to the announcers and is 2nd all time for appearances in the Rumble (Kane is first). How many wins does he have again? Nakamura is #7 and he's thankfully back to his older tights (pants only). Randy Orton selling a bad knee on the outside. Carlito makes a surprise return at #8 and he looks to be in tremendous shape. Xavier Woods at #9 and then Big E at #10 and they team up... I'm loving the Luke Harper tributes on their tights.

#11 is John Morrison. Remember when we were all exited for his return? Yeah, then he was placed back with the Miz as a duo. I'm glad to see that Big E trying to help Woods stay in the match and then gets revenge on Ali for eliminating Woods. Nice babyface touch. #12 was Ricochet who does a jumping move while 4 wrestlers wait to watch him. *face palm* #13 is Elias and each year passes, my belief in his potential gets worse and worse. What happened to that guy? #14 is Damian Priest as a NXT import and he looks larger than many of the WWE main roster wrestlers out there. Backstage, the trainers room scene with Randy Orton... Miz is up next at #15 and before he enters the ring, he destroys the equipment of Bad Bunny. Oh boy, that will make him a "Mad" Bunny, har har har. This stuff is awful. Bad Bunny comes out and wants to enter the ring. Damian Priest eliminated both Miz and Morrison and then Bad Bunny takes to the top rope to jump on a WAITING Miz and Morrison with a flying body press. *face palm* BRO, Matt Riddle is #16... Excuse me, "Riddle" is next. With legal issues mounting, we all know that he won't win this... ever. #17 is Daniel Bryan. Digging the haircut lately, Daniel. Kane at #18 and he has made 18 Royal Rumble appearances. That's insane. Kane cleans house and then reunites with Bryan for Team Hell No... Well, maybe not. Kane chokeslammed Bryan. Then, we have a good Rumble moment as Damian Priest gets into it with Kane and then eliminates him. King Corbin is #19, as the WWE is still doing whatever they can to cover up his mid-section. Corbin knocks out Nakamura, as I heard a bunch of internet marks crying at the same time when that happened. #20 was Otis, as he looks a bit thinner to mean. For all we know, that is why he was sent back to the Performance Center.

#21 is Dominik Mysterio... Yikes. Come on. Nobody else much deserving was available? But at least he eliminated Corbin. #22 is Bobby Lashley who looks like a tank but just can't tell you why he's a tank. After eliminating Priest, Lashley goes after Big E for the midcard title showdown! Hurricane Helms is #23 as a reward for being a WWE producer lately. Great guy to follow on Twitter, by the way. Night insights on the business daily. Hurricane tries to chokeslam both Big E and Lashley, only to get tossed out by both. Christian makes his WWE return by being #24... WOW!!! Loving that return and Edge/Christian hit some double team action on Riddle. AJ Styles at #25 and my mind is blown by seeing him work with Christian. Ditto with Christian and Bryan getting into it. I would LOVE to see Edge vs. AJ Styles in a singles match at one point. Rey Mysterio at #26 and he's with a Victoria Beer sponsor. AJ Styles' muscle Omos pulled Big E over the top rope, as that's somehow a legal loss for Big E. Makes zero sense. #27 is Sheamus, as I'm mostly grateful to see him still working out there considering the spinal issues. Omos then eliminates Rey Mysterio. How is that legal??? #28 is Cesaro, as I say a prayer that 2021 is his year. The Big Swing is amazing! How is the WWE missing out on this guy?!? #29 is Seth Rollins and still with the "Messiah" gimmick. Oh come on! And #30 was Braun Strowman, to my relief, as Jinder Mahal was denied! I had nightmares of Jinder Mahal vs. Drew McIntyre at Wrestlemania 37!

Riddle, Edge, Christian, Braun, Rollins and Bryan (plus Orton) are who remain after the 30th entrant Braun Strowman arrived and cleaned some house. I wonder if we'll get Riddle and Rollins wrestling at all here? Daniel Bryan was eliminated to end that possible Wrestlemania dream (unless he gets another shot at Elimination Chamber). Riddle and Rollins did mix it up and Rollins eliminated him via Curb Stomp on the side of the ring to eliminate Matt. Rollins and Strowman talk about teaming up against Edge/Christian but Strowman wanted nothing of that. Now, it's Braun versus Edge/Christian. Strowman and Christian fall out at the same time and then Edge eliminates Rollins. Randy Orton sneaks back in but Edge eliminates him! EDGE IS GOING TO WRESTLEMANIA! YEAH BABY! Love that ending. I'll be perfectly OK with Drew McIntyre versus Edge on RAW... Or how about Roman Reigns vs. Edge? SURE!!! Solid Rumble overall and it was pretty much the "Edge Show" and I'm perfectly fine with that. [ **** ]

LAST WORD: I believe that if you had to find a place to start the show, go to the last 5 minutes of the Women's Rumble and into Reigns/Owens and then the Men's Rumble. The rest of the show was meh. It's good to see Edge winning the Rumble because now he'll go on to give us a strong Main Event match for Wrestlemania 37 and let's hope that Randy Orton doesn't steal the title from Drew McIntyre in the meantime. Overall, the show ended strong but was struggling on the first half. I'll go very generous with my [ B ] grade.

So just chill... Until the next episode!

Comments and feedback are welcome. Follow and Tweet me @titowrestling or login in below to post comments.

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