WWE WrestleMania 42 Exposed How Hokey Pro Wrestling Has Become

As I’m writing this, last night was the first night of the NFL Draft. Because it is in Pittsburgh, a special guest of honor was “Big” Ben Roethlisberger, an all time great Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback (I still say Terry Bradshaw was the best Steelers QB ever but I digress) who won the franchise a Super Bowl in 2009. “Big” Ben took the stage with a few Terrible Towels in hand and threw them to the live crowd. One recipient was absent AEW star Dr. Britt Baker DMD. “Big Ben” did not take the stage dressed as an elf weilding a useless wooden sword and mutter into a microphone, “It’s dangerous to go alone! Take this!” Why do you suppose that is?

Because “Big” Ben is a superstar and he knows that this grand stage is his to own.

Since WWE WrestleMania 42, the legitimate sports media has been having a belly laugh at the expense of pro wrestling. That belly laugh is deserved. I know this is not an article the Internet Wrestling Community is going to pin to their fridge with a gold star on it. But, it is a harsh reality that a fan base far too close to the situation needs to read.

WrestleMania 42 exposed how hokey pro wrestling has become!

I’m not a black and white kind of guy. I grew up on the golden age of WWF Wrestling, the Rock ‘N’ Wrestling Connection era when the dank, dark production of pro wrestling became super colorful and quite literally cartoonish. I loved that era and still do. However, that era is blamed for starting what we have today. Well, if that is the case, maybe all the purists were right back then. Because, I could not stand what I saw on both Saturday and Sunday night.

I said I’m not a black and white guy. I’m also not a statistics guy. Usually, it is the intangible that makes things great and you can’t explain it, you can’t predict it. But, you know when something is special. But, I’ll forgo that “feeling” element and give you some statistics that should bother you.

WrestleMania was 2 nights with 8 total hours of programming. The actual wrestling time over two nights was slightly over 3 hours. The average ring entrance time over 8 hours was just under 3 hours. The average commercial and self-gratification and self-indulgent video packages was just over 2 hours. Finally, and this is a fact, the most featured person shown on screen most during WWE Wrestlemania 42 over 2 nights is someone who died 9 months ago in “The Immortal” Hulk Hogan who racked up over 40 minutes of on screen time via video packages.

Do those stats make you happy as a wrestling fan? If they do, I’d like some of what you’re smoking.

We all could feel that this was going to be a bad WrestleMania. The build up to the matches made zero sense. For example, the AI slop Pat McAfee angle was put on our screens 2 weeks before WrestleMania because TKO are star f*ckers and were willing to forgo logic to get cheap plugs on Pat McAfee’s weekly ESPN show. So, lets follow the bouncing ball of that story.

Cody Rhodes used to be a member of Randy Orton’s “Legacy” faction as an underling. Cody even mentioned, back then, that he hoped to never end up the way Triple H and Randy Orton ended up once upon a time. That was over 15 years ago. Now, they have ended up exactly like Triple H and Orton where Cody eclipsed Orton the same way Orton eclipsed Triple H over 20 years ago. Pretty good story, right? Wrong!

Instead of that being the story told, we had a hasty Randy Orton heel turn between the Royal Rumble and WrestleMania that the fans didn’t truly buy into. Who caused the heel turn? Why, the voices in Randy Orton’s head that he was talking to on the phone. Who could possibly want Orton to embrace his former heel self? Perhaps “Cowboy” Bob Orton who is still alive and could have offered a reason for Orton turning heel and also poured salt in the wounds that Cody’s father Dusty is no longer with us? Nope! How about Aliester Black who had a spooky dooky dopey feud with Orton earlier this year and could have played the role, Kevin Sullivan style, of the bad “voices” in Orton’s head stemming from their feud? Nope! Who was it? Why, it was Pat McAfee, a former NFL kicker and enthusiastic wrestling fan! Why would Randy Orton listen to him? Well, because the AI stlop told him to… And, quite literally, no other reason I can fathom.

During the Pat McAfee storyline, who did the best promo on McAfee? Why, it was CM Punk! What did CM Punk have to do with the Randy Orton and Cody Rhodes main event angle? Absolutely nothing. But, two segments including one on WWE RAW and one on WWE SmackDown were devoted to the budding feud between CM Punk and Pat McAfee with quite literally no pay off to any of it. None. Not even an inkling of a payoff! I mean, what the actual f*ck was that all about?

Then, in the match, McAfee plays cosplay heel wrestler guy far worse than Andy Kaufman ever did and gets beaten up during the match by someone that is not Cody Rhodes. CM Punk, right? WRONG! Jelly Roll! Why? Well, because TKO are star f*ckers. That’s why. Oh, but wait! McAfee gets stretchered out after the wide load country rap rocker crushed him with an elbow drop through a table only to return back to the ring 20 minutes later dressed as a referee and apparently being bestowed the powers of an official because we all know anyone in a striped shirt can count pins, right? They should have done an angle with the 24/7 or Hardcore title where Foot Locker employees counted title changes at the mall.

How about the CM Punk angle? Who was the heel? Punk cut brutal promos on Roman Reigns exposing that Reigns really can’t cut promos for himself in sptei of about 9,000 hours of “Bloodline” promo time during his title reign that resulted in exactly 0 payoff to the “greatest angle of all time” that some lied to themselves when they called the “Bloodline” that a few years ago. Punk cut promos, bringing in politics I don’t care for, that simply both built up and buried Roman all at the same time. So, naturally the guy who created any and all buzz around the World Title match at WrestleMania loses to the guy who was exposed as being an incredibly boring part time wrestler who got where he was based on who his family is and how he looks… And, it kind of fell flat because even though CM Punk is an asshole and a hot head, he at least was interesting and Roman is shockingly and amazingly not.

So, the key angles sucked. Was that all that was wrong with it? To quote John Bender from The Breakfast Club, “Not even close. Bid!”

Lets talk about the entrances.

Do you remember when “Macho Man” Randy Savage dressed up like Pacman for WrestleMania? How about when Hulk Hogan dressed up as Mega Man? Or, when Bret “The Hitman” Hart dressed up as Little Mac? You don’t remember these things? Do you know why? Because they didn’t happen. You see, “Macho Man”, Hulk Hogan, and “The Hitman” were grown men and we saw them as the biggest stars in the business we loved more than anything. So, why would they cosplay like nerdy virgin man children at Comic Con as video game characters? The jury is out on why half the WWE roster did at this WrestleMania.

I mentioned that “Big” Ben didn’t throw Zelda swords to the fans at the NFL Draft but instead threw out iconic pieces of Steelers lure that tie into the grandure of the NFL and of the fact that the draft took place in the Steel City. “Big” Ben isn’t an active player anymore but we see him as a pillar in his chosen sport. So, why did Cody Rhodes dress as the very flamboyant Great Frankini from the Nickelodeon show Henry Danger? Seriously, a little gold there! And, Penta dressed as a Mortal Kombat character. Do WWE fans want to apologize for bitching about the WCW Glacier entrance now or do I still have to wait on that? Did Becky Lynch having a no name band obviously mime her crappy new theme song really add anything to the show?

The nerdy and overdone entrances didn’t make the show feel grand. It made it feel hokey. In the end, that is a huge reason why FOX Sports’ Rob Parker is laughing at wrestling right now and asking how grown men can take it seriously. He’s right! We shouldn’t! If the biggest stars don’t take it seriously and cosplay as video game characters, why should we?

How about the style of wrestling we got? You know, with the limited amount of wrestling we got on 8 hours of programming.

When Jake Roberts was on a card, do you think the match before him saw guys use the DDT? No? Why not? Because it takes away from the impact of when Jake does it? By George, I think you’re starting to get it! So, why did LA Knight and I Show Speed, however that may be spelled, do a table spot before an unsanctioned street fight that saw, shock horror, match result altering table spots! We can debate why a YouTube “influencer” got a match on WrestleMania if you want. Personally, I would have loved to have seen Alex Trebek and Pat Sajak square off in a Texas Death Match to see who hosted the superior pre-Prime Time TV game show. But, that wasn’t in the cards. But, if you’re a no talent streamer who is famous for reasons no one has yet to explain to me in any way that I comprehend, well, you get a WrestleMania match….. And, half the actual wrestlers who have devoted their entire life to the business and study the history of same are left off the card to watch TKO be the celebrity f*ckers they truly are.

I posted on Facebook the moment WrestleMania 42 Night 2 ended, “WWE just exposed how stupid and hokey pro wrestling has become in front of the entire world.” I was right. And, the jokes and jaunts at pro wrestling’s expense that has seen guys like Seth Rollins get up and leave interviews over should have been expected. Garbage in, garbage out! For goodness sake, The Sandman had a 30 minute match against “The Invisible Man” during WrestleMania weekend that featured run ins by the likes of Missy Hyatt and Mick Foley as everyone pretended this figment of our imagination, the same “Invisible Man” that occupies a base when we play baseball with friends and there’s not enough guys so the guy on base has to go hit again, was real! And that wasn’t even the most hokey, bullshit, assing off part of WrestleMania weekend!

Where did it all go wrong? Well, the answer might not make the Internet Wrestling Community happy.

When Triple H’s heart exploded after being demoted from taking credit for Dusty Rhodes’ achievements with NXT, the poison pill was put in on Vince McMahon to make sure Triple H got his whole life’s agenda achieved – Ownership or control of WWE. When Vince McMahon was phased out, the man who had the best batting average for quality control in pro wrestling history left. And, a paper tiger and false prophet seized control. The honeymoon period is over. Open your eyes and see that this man never was in Vince Mcmahon’s league.

Now I know some will say, “How can you defend a sex offender!” Tell me where Vince McMahon did anything illegal? Unsavory, for sure. But, if you could spend flights with a Divas Search winner or two’s head in your lap in the VIP section of the plane, wouldn’t you? If you were turned out by mousy paralegals and she was down for some freaky, unsanitary things in exchange for cars and Bloomingdale’s gift cards, wouldn’t you? Having an active, albeit adulterous, sex life is not a crime no matter how many women’s empowerment groups put willing participants that later regret their involvement on stage to tell the world how sad they are now. Don’t want to hang your head in shame? Don’t do stuff, I won’t say shit because of who I’m eluding to, you’ll be ashamed of. And, give back the gifts if it was so awful. I bet that won’t happen!

Vince Mcmahon probably won’t be back. I’m not even sure I’m suggesting he should. But, what I am saying is TKO Group is to WWE what AOL Time Warner was to WCW. If you know, you know.

We as wrestling fans can’t pretend we are offended that the legitimate sports media saw our biggest show of the calendar year and saw what a hokey, dim witted, poorly booked sack of shit it was. This is not a pro-AEW article. WWE did too much that resembled your average AEW show which is GCW with a budget. That is part of the problem here! And, it isn’t a problem I expect will be fixed.

Hold on to what we’ve got left in pro wrestling, kids. It won’t be long until WWE RAW is at the Manhattan Center again and not for nostalgic purposes but because the business is about to land on its ass. Or, you know, it will be sold to the Saudi’s and an idiotic “King” will demand Mr. Perfect versus the Big Boss Man for the next PLE… I mean, he’ll demand that again… Because, you know, he already tried to demand that once. Holy shit.