IWC Scum — Delayed Thoughts on SmackDown Under, Crown Jewel & Other Crap

Welcome back to the column that puts the incessant whining and complaining in IWC. Your boy SkitZ pieced this thing together like a marksman would a ransom note.

In a perfect world, I’d be capable of banging out a PLE recap immediately following the event while it’s still fresh in my mind, as well as everyone else’s. Unfortunately, this malfunctioning head of mine doesn’t operate that way. It tends to marinate on hot topics for days before putting my thoughts into actual words, which are often no longer relevant by then. So this is me attempting to react to the weekend’s events in a timely fashion; a whole 36-48 hours after the fact depending on when this gets posted. 

…Wrestling Twitter couldn’t wait to jump down Andreas Hale’s throat for giving Crown Jewel a “B” grade, which I found to be not only fair, but right on the mark. If it were left up to social media, there would be at least half a dozen shows crowned “PLE of the Year” by the end of 2025. I’ve watched that accolade get haphazardly handed out and passed around multiple times just in the last 3 months alone. WWE delivered across the board on Saturday, but what I saw was one true MOTY contender complimented by 4 really good matches.

…Vaquer versus Stratton and Rhiyo versus The Kabuki Warriors both felt a bit shortchanged compared to the time allocated to the rest of the card. The tag bout no doubt suffered from Cena/Styles running long. Regardless, I couldn’t help but go “that’s it?” when Tiffany and Iyo scored the deciding pinfalls. On the plus side, at least Nia wasn’t there to screw up the finish.

…Also felt Asuka and Kairi could’ve benefitted more from a victory at this stage, but with neither Ripley nor Sky winning on a PLE in a while and Rhea being the hometown heroine, the outcome was never really in question. Even through all the cheesy acting and anime-esque melodrama, these 4 women have absolutely been killing it on RAW since SummerSlam. So how about putting some respect back on Asuka’s name by finally giving her a W at Mania? 

…Tiffany’s push this year has far exceeded my expectations, which is why it’s wild watching her take a backseat in Perth to a chick who’s been pushed even harder as of late. We should’ve known where this was heading when Hunter let Vaquer keep the name Stephanie in WWE… At this rate, the reigning Women’s World Champion will be joining Trips’ old lady in the Hall of Fame sooner rather than later. How long until crowds start turning on the company’s fiery new fan favorite?

…When it relates to match psychology and crowd connection, Roman has reached Rock-esque levels of greatness. This man can slow the action to a crawl, barely lift a finger and still have the fans  eating from the palm of his hand. Massive win for Bronson Reed in a performance on par quality-wise with their Clash in Paris effort. What made this any different from a regular old street fight? They added a cricket bat to the cart. Oh and a couple Nerf footballs. We now know why Reigns was a lineman in college, and not a quarterback, but hey he can’t be godly at everything.

…Speaking of The Tribal Chief, I’ve been spotting a lot of early predictions for the Night 1 & 2 main events of WrestleMania 42. For the love of everything that isn’t nauseatingly repetitive, please no more Seth versus Roman. Or Seth versus Punk. Or Cody versus Roman. Is Sami Zayn and LA Knight leaving Las Vegas as respective World Champions too much to ask for? It is, isn’t it? Fine, I’ll settle for one or the other. Hmm? That’s a big ask as well? For fuck’s sake.  

…That brings me to CM Punk actually, who was backstage during Seth and Cody’s clash at Crown Jewel. After Rollins hit that coast-to-coast diving headbutt, I couldn’t help notice him favoring his left arm for the remainder of the match. The extent of the injury wasn’t enough to stop the main event, but it hindered what Seth could do physically, which could put the company’s future plans in jeopardy. If that’s the case, don’t be surprised if Punk regains the World Heavyweight Title at the next Saturday Night’s Main Event. 

…What’s the holdup with this Orton heel turn? Everybody expected interference in the closing moments of Rhodes/Rollins, including yours truly. Randy hits the ring to assist his good buddy against The Vision, before ultimately dropping Cody with an RKO. Something along those lines. What did we receive instead? A wrist watch to the mouth of Rhodes that’s sure to make his lisp even worse for the time being. What are we even doing here, folks? Orton’s had more stare-offs with the belt than title opportunities since he last won a World Championship. Fix that.

…As for the instant classic Styles and Cena gave us in Perth, what more is there to say? From the GOAT’s hand-typed ring introduction for AJ to the endless wave of tribute finishers, you couldn’t script a better love letter to pro wrestling. It sure as hell beat a 27-minute spamfest comprised of 31 AA’s and 13 phenomenal forearms. Styles should’ve been booked like this for the majority of the year, not just Cena. 

…Sidenote: I can’t be the only one who assumed that Crown Jewel was taking place in Saudi Arabia again this year, considering all 6 of the previous events were held in Riyadh. Not to mention it’s so stereotypically Middle Eastern sounding. I had a whole “Worst Saudi Matches to Date” section mapped out for this column dammit. 

…WWE made a post this past week celebrating the Tag Team Championship reign of Finn & JD reaching 100 days. What reign? These two have reached Brock and Roman levels of sparse title defenses. Balor & McDonagh have somehow managed to make New Day’s run with the belts seem solid by comparison, when in reality it was as disappointing as Big E’s retirement. Why WWE didn’t just drape The Brons in gold during the summer and let them steamroll every team in front of them – as they’ve been doing anyway – is another in a long line of boneheaded decisions.

 …Based on the unusually high quality of SmackDown this past Friday, those reports regarding changes being made to Road Dogg’s creative staff might’ve already happened. With how stacked the company’s rosters are nowadays, 2 and a half hours feels like the perfect length for their weekly TV programs. The blue brand will likely struggle to feature everybody consistently going forward, but this most recent episode was a promising start. 

…Jacob returning to WWE programming and being kept apart from Solo? Simply brilliant. I legit thought Fatu dropped the n-word on live television while talking to Aldis backstage, but my girlfriend quickly assured me he said “Nick”. My first thought was “Jesus Christ, this man is gonna be off TV indefinitely again!”. Referring to Jacob versus Drew as a transitional feud might sound like an insult, but it’s the best course of action to keep both men charting upwards (even if Fatu’s ripe for a move to RAW soon). 

…Perhaps the biggest story coming out of the Aussie edition of SmackDown is Aleister and Zelina being paired together onscreen. From look to aura to in-ring ability, Black possesses all the necessary tools to be a permanent fixture in WWE’s main event scene. I was a little worried after his return to the company that Aleister was on the verge of being Andrade’d within a matter of months, but the heel turn and ensuing rivalry with Damian has done wonders. Priest deserves his flowers too for constantly making the most of his segments, and never failing to deliver in big matches. 

…Meanwhile, Vega goes from being a complete non-factor since dropping the Women’s US Title to a prominent valet role accompanying a man she knows better than literally anyone. Zelina made the most of her run as an underdog champion, but it didn’t play to her strengths. My first thought while observing the visual of Black and Vega standing above Priest’s prone body? WWE traded away Karrion Kross & Scarlett for a better version of the wrestling couple, at least in the company’s eyes. Time will tell whether or not the gamble pays off, but I can’t help wondering if 3 years from now Aleister & Zelina find themselves in the same exact position as the recently departed.