There’s been a lot of very serious debate in the “Opinions” section over the last couple of days…

And now for something completely different.

With the seemingly imminent return of Dwayne Johnson to WWE programming, I felt it was appropriate to ask:

Where does The Rock rank in the list of all-time greats?

It’s a big question. The Rock has been gracing our TV screens for what, thirty years now? He’s one of the most beloved WWE champions of all time and yet, somehow, is also able to turn himself into one of the most hateable heels ever at the drop of a hat. The business runs in his blood and that’s becoming ever-more apparent as he continues to be involved. I don’t have access to his precise bank details but I’m confident The Rock does not need the money from WWE. His journey from seven bucks to several hundred million dollars is well established. He’s here because he loves it, not because for his bank balance.

But there are other greats in the list as well. He’s not the only entry to have changed the landscape forever, and he certainly wasn’t the first to make a huge impact on the planet.

So, shall we rank them?

Here we are ladies and gentlemen:

 

Is The Rock in the Top Ten?

 

#10 – Rocky (and Bullwinkle)

I’m from the United Kingdom. Nobody cares about Rocky and Bulwinkle over here. But, because I’m nothing if not professional, I did watch a couple of YouTube videos about this duo for research purposes. My conclusion? Not even remotely worthy of their seemingly international fame.

I have nothing against the “All-American” values of their creation. It was a different time in a more optimistic country than Britain will ever be, but frankly if you’re a fan of these two it means one thing: you’ve never seen Danger Mouse.

#9 – Rock (seaside candy)

Dear non-British readers: you may not have seen this before. “Holiday Rock” (not to be confused with Hollywood Rock) is a long, hard stick consisting of basically pure sugar. It’s found in seaside towns across England and Wales, sometimes with a little bit of writing ‘carved’ into the candy like rings on a tree stump.

It isn’t delicious, it hurts your teeth, and it’s generally what you bring back from holiday as a gift for people you don’t really like. You know the type. Co-workers, aunts you don’t really care about, that one person in your friend group who everyone wishes would leave… Essentially, this is pretty crap.

But it’s still better than Rocky and Bullwinkle.

#8 – Rocky Horror Picture Show

I’ve never seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show. I know it by reputation only, and despite my prior assertion that I am a professional, I did not watch it ahead of writing this column.

What I do know of RHPS is that it’s an all-time classic musical with an incredibly passionate and devoted following. Somewhat unbelievably, it’s still in theatrical release in 2024. Almost FIFTY YEARS after it was first shown in the cinema! If you’re not a film afficionado then just trust me, that is ridiculous. No other film comes even remotely close.

Plus, I’ve heard The Timewarp. It’s ace.

#7 – Edinburgh Rock (Scottish candy)

Now, with apologies to my English brethren, we come to the actually good kind of rock candy. Edinburgh Rock is different to the awful stuff because it’s soft and crumbly, and generally comes in five distinct flavours: delicious, tasty, yummy, scrumptious, and ginger (bleurgh). With the exception of the ginger variety, it’s incredibly tasty and won’t immediately result in dental work being needed.

That being said, I can’t possibly rank it any higher; partly due to the quality of those above it, but also because of the aforementioned ginger flavour. This is no reflection on people with ginger hair, but eating ginger-flavoured Edinburgh Rock is like starting a wrestling article that you thought would be about the best wrestlers ever and finding out it’s the deluded ramblings of a man seemingly obsessed with anything rock-related.

#6 – The Rock (Alcatraz)

This thing is legendary. I’m fortunate enough to have been as both a tourist and an inmate (just kidding) and it’s a unique and interesting attraction. Firstly, anywhere that requires a boat to access is automatically cooler than a mainland-based attraction (sorry Alton Towers, good luck matching that). Secondly, it was the most secure prison in the entire United States of America, and now you can take selfies behind the same bars that housed serial killers and murderers!

Cards on the table, I genuinely found it fascinating. When I visited they were also housing an art exhibition with pieces priced at several hundred dollars, and I couldn’t help but marvel at the idea that you’d come for a $40 attraction and then spend $600 on a painting instead of all the gratuitous merchandise stocked in the shop.

#5 – Rocky (Sylvester Stallone films)

“Yo, Adrian, I did it!” is one of the most iconic lines in all of cinema, perhaps only bested by “I’d like to dedicate this match to my two little people at home and say… Big Daddy-O Did It!” But beyond that, they’re not only classic movies but they’re also actually relevant to the world of wrestling!

The story of Hulk Hogan wouldn’t be the same without Rocky, and arguably nor would the story of professional wrestling as we know it. Would Hogan have ended up in WCW without the Rocky films? Maybe. Maybe not. What we do know is that the films are great.

#4 – Rock Music

The Beatles. Rolling Stones. Queen. Iron Maiden. Bon Jovi. Nirvana. Offspring. Foo Fighters. Ashlee Simpson. Creed. Limp Bizkit.

I could go on.

The rock genre has produced some of the greatest music of all time. It’s inspired movies, magazines, TV shows, award ceremonies, wrestling rivalry montages… It’s quite literally the fourth best example of rock anywhere in the world, in my opinion.

#3 – The Rock

Finally… The Rock has made an appearance on this list. I’m a huge fan of The Rock and I’m glad he’s back in the wrestling business. If this was a top-10 of the most successful wrestlers of all time he’d probably be in a similar position, agonisingly close to the absolute pinnacle of the list without quite scaling to the very top.

Between his rivalries with Stone Cold, Triple H, Mick Foley and more, his Wrestlemania moments, his return to formally ‘pass the torch’ to John Cena and his sporadic involvement since, Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson has cemented his legacy as one of the greatest, and most influential, wrestlers of all time.

But he’s not the best rock.

#2 – Actual Rocks

Before you argue against this one, I should remind you: YOU LIVE ON A ROCK! Whether you believe it’s flat or round is entirely your choice, but the one thing that pretty much every single human being on the planet agrees on is that we live on a rock of some shape.

And talk about changing the landscape… rocks are the landscape!

Also, there’s a high chance your house is made of rocks. You might even be sitting on a rock reading this article (if you’ve made it this far). They’re quite literally the bedrock of our whole society. Go rocks!

#1 – The Rock (Nicholas Cage / Sean Connery Film)

Only two men could defeat actual rocks: the iconic duo of Cage and Connery, Nic and Sean, Goodspeed and Mason.

This is the absolute pinnacle of rocks.

It’s called “The Rock”, it’s set in “The Rock”, which is itself on a rock, and the film f*ing ROCKS. And as if that wasn’t enough, you can buy the DVD of The Rock when you visit the actual Rock.

If you haven’t seen it, I urge you to do so as soon as you’re able.

 

And that’s it, ladies and gentlemen.

Will this be the final article I write for NoDQ? I hope not, but if it proves to be so: thanks for having me.

JM.