IWC Scum — More Clickbait Concerning WM42 (Punk’s Hairdo, RIP Career Killer, Sami Zayn Pains Me, The Cardona Curse, Etc.)

Welcome back to the column that puts the incessant whining and complaining in IWC. I’m the notorious S-k-i-t-Z and this is a rap sheet of my latest gripes with the WWE product. Will the personal beef between me and the machine ever end? Am I just preprogrammed to never fully enjoy what they’re selling? Probably, but what’s a longstanding love/hate relationship without some pain and suffering along the way? So feel free to sit back and groan while I vent about what’s troubling me at the moment.

…Sami’s creative direction in recent years has done more damage than Tiger Woods behind the wheel of an SUV. And while a few swerves along the Road to WrestleMania are typically encouraged, it’s kinda giving villain vibes considering the destructive effect that Zayn’s US Title win has had on Carmelo’s hopes of competing at WM42. Why we’re taking this route again when Sami’s supposed to be pursuing a World Championship is beyond me. He and Trick have been bumping heads on SmackDown ever since Williams first arrived in January, and it’s obvious management wants to showcase the young star at Mania, so we were bound to land here regardless. The belt just doesn’t seem necessary to justify putting Sami versus Trick on the card.

Not unless the plan is to add Carmelo to said match (and possibly Ilja). I realize not everyone on the roster deserves a spot on the show, but Hayes and Dragunov should be on that select list of names based on what they’ve collectively done for SmackDown’s midcard division since last summer. Zayn capturing another United States Championship only to drop it to Williams three weeks later isn’t gonna help endear him to the growing naysayers either. WWE has stretched out the culmination of Sami’s story to such painstaking lengths that fans have gone from feeling hopeful, to frustrated, to hardly giving a fuck anymore. That’s what happens when you show no desire to finish a tediously constructed character arc in a timely fashion. It starts to crumble, fall apart, turn to shit, etc.

The sad reality is that Triple H should’ve pulled the trigger on Zayn’s big moment 2-3 years ago. How fitting that Hunter is probably saving it for WrestleMania 43 when the location is destined to change before then due to the ongoing conflict in the Middle East. Ahhh what a shame. Sami was my ride or die once upon a time, and now I just wanna jump off the bandwagon before this journey becomes any more of a disappointment.

…How Ronda Rousey-ish of The Bella Twins to be constantly complaining about their booking since returning. We’re talking Kardashian levels of entitlement here. Crazy considering there are at least half a dozen tag teams in the company today that are better than Nikki & Brie on their best day. Hell, you could throw Nattie and her deflated twin Maxxine back together, and they’d still outwork The Bella’s any given week. Had Rhea not been repositioned to face Jade at Mania, Nikki & Brie might not even have a spot in this upcoming scrum for the Women’s Tag Team Titles. Their chances of pulling a Sasha & Naomi are relatively high though. Not so much the winning the belts at WrestleMania part as the bitterly leaving the company afterwards part. Do you foresee it playing out any differently? Because I don’t. Going on their podcast every week and bitching about the creative from the previous week’s show isn’t really conducive to onscreen success. Nikki’s old fling Dolph Ziggler should’ve schooled them on this subject.

…Remember the logistical nightmares that WrestleMania II and the 25th Anniversary of RAW turned into? Yeah, holding an event in multiple venues simultaneously is a terrible idea, but I feel like WWE – with their perpetual hard-on for always doing it bigger and better – will eventually attempt it again. Mark my words, people. One of these years the company is gonna get the bright idea to host WrestleMania Saturday and Sunday in two different cities. Watch them send the more expendable half of the roster to Saudi while the Cody’s and Roman’s hang back to perform in the states. Sounds about right for a company offering a 31.6% discount on WrestleMania tickets the other week, which is the most TKO thing ever. What’s next? Are they gonna start treating WWE like Wendy’s by dropping every PLE on the calendar that underperforms? I wouldn’t put it past those gluttonous bastards.

…Kudos to Matt Cardona for reinventing himself on the indies following his release in 2020, but it’s gotta be pretty humbling to come back after all this time just to still be booked like Zack Ryder. Here we are 15 years removed from him serving as fodder for Cena during WrestleMania season, and now Cardona is in the same exact spot with Randy Orton. If we’re being brutally honest here, this whole situation feels more along the lines of Triple H & Nick Khan doing Chelsea a favor than a growing demand to bring Matt back. If that was the case, WWE would’ve sought Cardona out way sooner.

I realize the guy only returned a few months ago, but your booking upon arrival is often a big indicator of what value the company places on you as a talent. And right now, the best case scenario for Cardona going forward looks to be forming Hype Bros. 2.0 with Apollo Crews. I mean Matt’s wife is rolling around backstage in a cast and wheelchair like 2012 Zack Ryder, and she’s STILL being booked stronger than the current version of him. Perfectly suitable for a nerd who Hunter isn’t sold on, right? Mmmm the more things change, the more they tend to stay the same.

Side note: kudos to Apollo Crews for holding down his WWE gig for this long. I assumed he had left like four years ago and was just sitting at home collecting that guaranteed money from AEW. Good on him.

…These segments of security guards and producers and general managers swarming the ring multiple times per night have spiraled out of control far worse than the fights they’re attempting to break up. Sheer irony, isn’t it? I wouldn’t be surprised if Triple H keeps going back to the same well with the mindset that it’ll help lower the risk of a potential injury, but how does he expect crowds and viewers to get pumped for a match when there’s little more than a punch or cheap shot throughout 10 weeks of build? Makes me yearn for the glory days. The only redeemable quality of these segments is when the wrestlers resort to attacking the suits, and logically speaking, shouldn’t that make the agents and security think twice about intervening? Why continue to join the fray when Brock’s got a concussion waiting with your name on it? Keep the office out of our entertainment and mind ya business you buzzkills!

…I also maintain my claim from right before WarGames last November – Jimmy Uso has been outperforming his brother for a while now. Big Jim speaks with common sense and a purpose, whereas Jey just serves as The Bloodline’s unstable hype man; shouting noises and catchphrases ad nauseam like he’s a Samoan Lil Jon or some shit. The gap between the two brothers widens further by the month in my view. Major props to Jimmy for the work he’s put in. Reward that man with a singles title at some point this year. Roman and Jey have enough gold already.

…For a moment there, WWE appeared to be toying with a WrestleMania angle between Tom Brady and Logan Paul. With the 7-time Super Bowl Champion being the owner of the Las Vegas Raiders, it makes plenty of business sense. Or at least that seemed to be the narrative they were pushing a few weeks ago. Neither WWE nor Logan mentioned the Brady incident on this week’s RAW, so perhaps the flag football stuff was merely Paul doing a little press baiting for the company. I could see them using Logan to try and persuade Brady into being part of Mania, when in reality Tom very much sees pro wrestling as a cute little bullshit sport that he wants nothing to do with. But hey, maybe Brady and the Raiders will call upon Maxx Crosby to take part since they couldn’t care less where he goes.

Prior to Bronson Reed’s injury, I believe the plan called for him, Logan Paul and Austin Theory teaming up at Mania against LA Knight and The Uso’s. The six-man tag is still a go; they’ve just replaced The Tribal Thief with a celebrity wrestler who weighs about as much as one of his legs. IShowSpeed no doubt has some tricks up his sleeve for Vegas, which the crowd will pop for while everyone on X bickers about how the spot should’ve gone to a full-time wrestler. Meh. The biggest takeaway here is that Jey Uso and LA Knight have been feuding with The Vision for nearly a year now. Wild stat. Think about how tired your eyeballs are of watching this neverending rerun, and then imagine how sick these guys must be of reading the same identical script every week.

…Punk’s current hairstyle has been a heavy topic of conversation over the last several months. Notorious for changing up his look more often than his girlfriend back in the day, I’ve truthfully never given it much thought. At least not until this side-by-side appeared on my Twitter feed the other day…

And now I can’t unsee it. The Butthead comparison is less than flattering, but CM Punk’s an asshole, and that big dome of his does talk a lot of shit so it checks out. Has the reigning World Heavyweight Champion lost some of the edge that made him so intriguing in the first place? Even I can acknowledge that Punk in his prime would’ve ripped into Roman far more savagely on the stick. Has he lost some cool points to Father Time? Are we being far too judgmental of a married man in his late 40s? Yes to all of the above. At least Punk still has a full head of hair, unlike most of these George Costanza looking fuckers who are intent on critiquing him. Compared to Roman’s godlike mane, of course the reigning champ looks stylistically outdated, but guess what? Old man Phil is still carrying this feud with as much oomph as the big wigs backstage will allow.

…Everybody across social media is chiming in about how random Seth versus Gunther is, but their impromptu matchup is music to my ears. The odds of it delivering more than Gunther versus Rey are higher than Mysterio’s hospital bills. And while Rollins versus Breakker has greater potential from an athletic standpoint, I’m confident Seth and The Career Killer can give us something equally as investing on the day of. Oftentimes these spur of the moment decisions turn into a pleasant surprise come Mania weekend.

I actually expected us to get a three way between Gunther, Seth and Punk for the World Title at last year’s event before Jey won the Royal Rumble and they squeezed Roman into the Paul Heyman melodrama. I don’t care what the story is leading in… a triple threat match headlining Mania with no title on the line just feels wrong, and likely always will. Rollins versus Gunther is the next best thing, especially since it’s bound to transition into ensuing feuds with Bron and Brock after WM42.

But given The Ring General’s current gimmick, how do you approach this match with Seth? Does Rollins put his career on the line? Can Gunther afford a loss if he’s slated to retire Lesnar at SummerSlam? Or has the company written themselves into a corner where they’ll be forced to opt for the jeer-inducing DQ finish at WrestleMania? Do John Cena and AJ Styles come to Seth’s aid since they’re in town for the festivities? I wouldn’t count on Trips extending an invite to Goldberg if that’s the case.

So many possibilities, but I’ll tell you one thing: It’s no wonder Chris Jericho held off on returning to WWE. Why do so after all these years just to get fed to Gunther sooner rather than later? The aging rockstar will be 70-something before we know it and still claiming he has a few years left in that old rusty tank of his. A retirement match with The Career Killer wouldn’t slow Jericho down anyways. He’d just do the job, claim the Y2J version of him was dead, and then go sign with another promotion that’s catching fire.

Chris Jericho is very much a trend chaser these days. He watched WWE cool off over the past year while AEW picked up some steam and went “nah I think I’ll stay put.” Clearly he trusts Tony’s nose for business more, which is crazy considering how prominent Hunter’s is. You could build bridges with that thing; just not one long enough to bring both sides together.