SkitZ Anchors the NoDQ News Report — AEW Gossip, Brock/Roman Fatigue Syndrome, The Indy God Appears, LTIN Tourney Talk & More

 

“Good evening and welcome everyone to the NoDQ Nightly News Report. I’m SkitZ.”

 

“And I’m Janet Grant.”

 

SkitZ: Our top stories tonight – How low will J.K. Rowling stoop to dispel the rights of the trans community? What type of backfire should the creators of South Park expect when they inevitably take aim at Erika Kirk? And why Sean “Diddy” Combs could be the shot in the ass AEW needs to overtake WWE once he’s released from prison. But first-

 

Janet: Oh don’t even get me started on that despicable sex trafficker. You know who should’ve been locked up alongside him? Brock Lesnar. I still can’t believe WWE had the audacity to rehire someone caught up in these heinous lawsuits against Vince McMahon. AN ONGOING CASE MIND YOU. They’re both guilty as sin. I hope they burn in hell. 

 

SkitZ: Sheesh, I’ve gotta remind you to take your meds before we go on the air. A convenient outburst nevertheless, as we’re being joined now by our very own Wrestle G reporting from the parking lot of Petco Park in sunny San Diego. The site of next weekend’s Survivor Series / WarGames extravaganza. How’s the mood and atmosphere down there as WWE prepares to descend upon the city?

 

Wrestle G: Greetings from southern California, SkitZ! A week or so from today, wrestling fans will be tailgating right where I’m standing; eager to get the party started as the hours tick down til showtime. While this year’s event will feature a few unfamiliar faces in the men’s WarGames match, the name Brock Lesnar isn’t inspiring a whole lot of confidence from the citygoers I’ve harassed into commenting on the situation. 

 

Janet: Ah persistence – the hallmark of any great journalist. What’s the word on the street regarding that good for nothing neanderthal?

 

Wrestle G: Well I can tell you there isn’t much optimism surrounding the type of effort fans are expecting from Brock on November 29th, especially after his performance at Wrestlepalooza back in September. The locals aren’t too thrilled about Lesnar and Reigns rekindling their rivalry either. 

 

SkitZ: Is that so? Can you elaborate?    

 

Wrestle G: The Tribal Chief’s latest return was widely anticipated as his issues with The Vision continue to run their course. And Paul Heyman’s stable growing in numbers over these past few weeks has the internet buzzing; least of which over Roman and Brock coming to blows yet again. I spoke with one man wearing an old Daniel Bryan t-shirt who referred to Reigns versus Lesnar as “the endless legacy feud that nobody asked for”. 

 

SkitZ: I mean, we didn’t mind it in 2022 when Brock started showing some personality and wardrobe variety. At the end of the day though, it’s still Lesnar beefing with The Bloodline while Heyman pulls the strings. 

 

Wrestle G: A valid point I made sure to mention, but this individual was ready and waiting with his retort. He said “The two of them still being at odds in 2025? This rivalry is played out, not to mention it’s received more mixed reviews than an AEW video game. So please, let’s cool it on the fight forever nonsense with Reigns and Lesnar.”

 

Another fan claimed there were stars far more deserving of the spot such as LA Knight, who’s inclusion would have made way more sense. And that Brock is bound to enter the match last, and end it within a couple anticlimactic minutes. Someone else simply said “WWE sucks right now, and nobody cares”. It was an endless onslaught of pessimistic responses. 

 

SkitZ: Hey as the old saying goes, you just can’t please some people. Thanks for the intel, buddy! Sorry again for not gaining you access into the venue. Perhaps one day someone will take us seriously as a wrestling news outlet. 

 

Janet: Mmmm I wouldn’t hold your breath. Otherwise you might gasp for air like that Albany crowd did last Friday night during SmackDown when the artist formerly known as Zack Ryder returned to the company. 

 

SkitZ: Right you are, Janet. In a competitive first round match against his doppelganger LA Knight, Matt Cardona proved his worth tenfold following an incredible 5-year run on the indies. Just not enough for WWE to invest more in the Long Island native’s current moniker when they can just dust off his old copyrighted name from before. 

 

Janet: WWE and Cardona himself made it known shortly afterwards that the former broski’s appearance was a one-off deal, but with SmackDown returning to three hours in early January, he’s rumored to be back full-time by the 2026 Royal Rumble. 

 

SkitZ: All that work on the indies just to come back and play second fiddle to his wife, who’s already found a better onscreen partner in Ethan Page. What a shame. We can only hope Ryder lands a better role on the show than whatever Ron Killings is doing right now, because that could spell disaster for the Long Island Iced Z. 

 

Janet: Ain’t that the truth. Speaking of the handpicked wrestlers chosen to duke it out for the chance to face John Cena in his final match, there seems to be some confusion swirling around the selection process. For more on this developing story, we bring in our Foreign Affairs expert Psykohurricane who’s reporting from El Paso, Texas.

 

PH: Thanks Janet. I come to you from outside the home of wrestling legend and journeyman Chavo Guerrero, who recently re-signed with WWE as a producer for AAA. I’m hearing there’s been a fair bit of miscommunication in regards to the Mexican-based promotion’s involvement in the tournament.

 

SkitZ: Their involvement? What involvement would that be exactly?  

 

PH: Apparently several AAA wrestlers are feeling both misled and overlooked by John Cena’s tournament after mistaking the initials LTIN for the word Latin. As you can imagine, tempers are running high down here.

 

SkitZ: Sounds to me like these AAA guys are an A short of earning themselves a well-deserved attitude adjustment from the GOAT.

 

 

Janet: Damn language barriers coming between us again.  

 

SkitZ: You’ve gotta admit though… that’s pretty gullible thinking on behalf of the talent down in AAA. Does their roster currently even have enough bodies to fill a 16-man tournament? And what makes the WWE-owned promotion believe Triple H would give them any more exposure than wrestling once a month on YouTube?

 

PH: Fair point, SkitZ. The closest we’ve come thus far to a Mexican wrestler competing in the Last Time is Now tournament was Dom facing Cena the night it kicked off.

 

Janet: But what about Damian Priest? Doesn’t he count?

 

SkitZ: Right league, wrong ball club. Would it kill you to brush up on your World Geography? Jesus Janet. (turns back to hard cam) Well then where does this AAA contingency go from here, PH? What’s their next move?

 

PH: After speaking further with a handful of AAA stars, things appear to have reached a standstill. With Penta being the only Mexican wrestler represented in the field, there’s a growing frustration within the promotion due to them feeling robbed of equal working opportunities. But with the tournament concluding next month in our nation’s capitol, these fiery luchadors are hesitant to make any waves. I haven’t witnessed a mutiny of this magnitude since the IWC turned on Jey Uso for doing too well in life. 

 

SkitZ: It really be like that sometimes. Did Chavo happen to provide you with any further information on the matter?

 

PH: Unfortunately no. When I pressed Guerrero for a comment, he declined to speak out of fear of burning bridges with WWE for a second time.

 

SkitZ: So Chavo refused to offer any sort of insight? Wow, what a wasted trip. Thanks anyway, PH! We’re very much looking forward to your Where in the World is Santos Escobar? exclusive, which for those wondering at home, airs this Saturday evening at 6. Until then, try to catch a tan for us pasty white folk while you’re down near the border! 

 

Janet: Just as long you don’t come back looking like Heyman. I think Paul’s been standing a bit too close to Bron lately while he’s applying his 17 layers of spray tan. 

 

SkitZ: Haha now that’s one of your conspiracy theories I can actually get behind, Janet. (turns to face side camera) Several wrestlers have recently rallied around former NXT star Ridge Holland after WWE chose not to renew his contract. The circumstances surrounding Luke Menzies’ release and rehabilitation has sparked numerous debates regarding base pay for NXT performers, the extent of WWE’s medical coverage, and their zero tolerance policy towards shit-talking former employees. 

 

Janet: The most bitter member of the Brawling Brutes turned to the social media platform X to vent about his financial hardships, which seemed to rub WWE management the wrong way. The company responded by essentially cutting Luke off early, which prompted the father of three to opt for assisted aid. 

 

SkitZ: Yep, and the poor guy took a virtual ass beating for it. Menzies was ultimately cyber-shamed into taking down his GoFundMe page, claiming he would give the profits to charity rather than pocket the money… color me skeptical.

 

Janet: As a parent myself, I can’t help but sympathize with Luke’s struggles to provide for his family. 

 

SkitZ: Bah, who cares about any of that. I’m thinking more in terms of kayfabe. It seemed like the perfect opportunity for New Day to swing in and donate money; thanking Ridge in an attached tweet for ridding them of the dead weight that was Big E.

 

Janet: But haven’t Woods & Kofi become way less interesting since Big E broke his neck?

 

SkitZ: It’s a classic heel tactic, Janet. Try and keep up. We’ll just consider it another missed opportunity for heel New Day, which has served as the overarching theme for their entire run. 

 

Janet: Speak for yourself. Woods & Kofi have evolved into fashion icons here in 2025, and I’m absolutely loving it. 

 

SkitZ: You wanna talk about two men rocking the shiniest of accessories at the moment… look no further than World Champions CM Punk and ‘Hangman’ Adam Page, who are on top of the world in their respective companies. Due to their troubled history and the internet’s tendency to compare them, there’s no shortage of shit slinging between the dueling fanbases. For more on the neverending tribalism, please welcome in our AEW insider Joseph Davis. What’s the latest coming out of Jacksonville, Joe? 

 

JD: Good evening, SkitZ. I come to you from deep in the heart of Khan Country, where Blood & Guts guru Jon Moxley reigns as master blader, and Bobby Lashley still can’t manifest a main event push. 

 

The two plus years since CM Punk’s unceremonious exit have done little to endear him to the AEW diehards. I spoke at length with several spirited fans who are convinced Brooks is a shell of his former self after fooling the WWE Universe into welcoming him back with open arms. One ponytailed man hit me with every mediocre pun from “Punk couldn’t hang with Adam Page to save his life” to “play me in a game of Hangman and I’ll show you what CM Punk really stands for”.

 

Janet: Oooh anagrams. I love those!

 

SkitZ: That’s not what- actually forget it, nevermind. Uh Joe, how is the AEW faithful reacting to this hot take circulating that claims Logan Paul is better than both Kenny Omega and Will Ospreay? 

 

JD: Not well, SkitZ. We’ve got a level 5 meltdown happening in these parts. It’s been a vicious cycle of outrage and angry tweeting ever since the headline first hit the internet. Most of them were too preoccupied button mashing to spare me a minute of their time, but one fan summed up the general consensus perfectly by saying “what does generating heat have anything to do with a 5-star match? Logan Paul will get fired by WWE soon anyway for doing some dumb shit”. It’s childish tantrums and gentle rebelling everywhere you turn, guys. Earlier I watched a group of angsty All Eliters vandalize an Amazon Prime truck just because it reminded them of the YouTuber’s energy drink. 

 

Janet: Downright shameful, Joe. Now what can you tell us about Tony Khan’s appearance on Ariel Helwani’s podcast this past Tuesday? Because I was under the assumption that they were feuding.

 

JD: As evidenced by their recent meeting, the beef has officially been squashed. Khan clearly felt some type of way after CM Punk went on the very same podcast nearly two years ago and ripped the AEW President to shreds. An interview so damning that the wrestling world figured Tony and Ariel would be rivals for life, yet here we are. 

 

SkitZ: And your thoughts on Khan’s candor during the podcast?

 

JD: Eh, Tony elected to keep it pretty vanilla with his responses. I couldn’t help but wonder if this whole thing came about from Helwani reaching out to Khan due to WWE losing some steam over the past year or so, because Ariel had no interest in chatting with him before then.

 

SkitZ: A solid theory. Watching the interview back, I feel kinda bad for Tony. How could Punk have so much animosity built up towards such a delusionally nice guy? He sure as hell had no problem taking Khan’s money.  

 

Janet: I can’t listen to another second of this, SkitZ. CM Punk is a sweet soul of a man. Phil just loves his wife so much. It’s adorable.

 

SkitZ: Oh of course you’re smitten with him too. One minute Punk is sunbathing on a boat in Australia with Iyo Sky, and the next he’s being smothered by Bayley… How in the world is any of this fair?! No wonder why so many miserable men hate on the guy!

 

Janet: Jealousy is not a good look for you. Fix that. And Bayley doesn’t count. She can’t keep her hands off most of the men in WWE. I give it three years tops before she destroys George Kittle’s marriage.  

 

SkitZ: This is what happens when you watch Real Housewives and The Kardashians on repeat. Give it a rest, Janet. 

 

(turns to hard cam) Coming up next on the NoDQ Nightly News Report – New York Giants running back Cam Skattebo can’t seem to catch a break from the media even after fracturing his fibula, and why a feud with The Judgment Day’s JD McDonagh could be just what the doctor ordered. Also, an indepth look into why Tommaso Ciampa will literally need to do it himself if he ever plans on receiving a United States Title shot against BDSM enthusiast Ilja Dragunov. As well as why NXT’s Oba Femi makes me wet the bed. All that and more when we return…