Wrestling Commentary Is Trash – Enough fellating Michael Cole as the GOAT

Enough fellating Michael Cole as the GOAT. Who cares about the Pat MacAfee vs. Corey Graves debate. Time to put Excalibur, JR, and Schiavone out to pasture. Do you hear me Netflix? Max? I don’t want to mute wrestling to watch it. I want an option to TURN OFF the Commentary so I can actually HEAR the show. The Promos. The Entrances. The Match. And the CROWD.

Paul Levesque and Tony Khan share one thing in common: they are TERRIFIED to let you hear what’s actually going on underneath the commentary. Both of these cowards hide the piped-in noises and saturate the air waves with non-stop talking from the most annoying people in wrestling: the commentators.

I’m not a casual fan. I’m a Diehard. I don’t need the story told back to me like I’m just tuning in for the first time in a hot second. I remember it. And better yet, I’m hoping the story in ring, or backstage, will remind me of it without the use of a narrator. Everyone likes using the phrase “Cinema” nowadays, but let me ask you if you want 100% of ALL Movies to have a CONSTANT narrator? No. To quote John Zandig, “JEEZUS!”

I’m not saying I don’t have favorite calls, or that the commentary can’t add a useful layer. Yes, like you, hearing JR and King or Schiavone and Heenan qualify as good-old nostalgia trips. But hear me when I’m saying this: I want an option to turn it off. Just like Closed Captioning.

Excalibur, the mouth of Tony Khan, is the most egregious of them all. It’s not impressive to me the rapidity with which he crams information into my ears while I’m trying to watch the show. It’s F****** annoying. I like watching the matches AEW puts out. Sue me. But holy shit, Excalibur has gone from being someone I loved hearing in PWG clips on YouTube to being downright unbearable.

Wrestling’s magic is in the ring and the crowd’s roar. That’s the benefit of going to a live event. You don’t have to hear the commentators drowning out the story with their corporate noise.

I’m begging for an option to mute them—give me the fans’ chants, boos, and gasps, the real soundtrack of a suplex or a botched moonsault. Netflix, you’re sooooo into data insights for your product, right? Give us the option, and look at the data. I promise you more people will use it than you think. Nick Khan, you like cost-cutting based on insights, yeah? How about see what percentage of your audience wants to listen to the commentators, then offer them that percentage of their current deal in the next cycle?

By the way, I’m talking about ALL wrestling here. Not just WWE and AEW. Yes, you, Indie Promotion. I don’t want to hear you cosplay Joey Styles into your shitty lav mic you brought to work. But Paul Levesque and Tony Khan are terrified of silence, and the more corporate wrestling gets, the more those corporate fuckheads are shoving three-man booths down our ear drums.

Wrestling’s not a sitcom needing a laugh track; it’s a brawl where the crowd’s pulse is enough.

Let the wrestlers’ slams and fans’ screams speak; silence is braver than narrating every damn move. 2005. ROH. Samoa Joe vs. Kenta Kobashi. That is Cinema. Listen to that crowd. You can almost feel the match. And zero commentating. It’s everything I could ever ask for.

I’m not saying fire the commentators. Cole’s got history, and since I rewatch clips online after the show (you do too, dammit), it would be a fun added bit to see what the call was. But more often than not, it’s not a classic. I love to hear McAfee talk about wrestling on his show after Monday Nights, but he’s no doubt coming with a big price tag attached to his services. He also complains about having to work a bunch (poor, poor millionaire), so why can’t the bean counters see fit to let him go? After all, switching commentary booths every other week makes the show feel inconsistent. It makes the show feel like it’s OK to miss. The talent miss the show. Why can’t I? Not the vibe you’re going for optics-wise. An arena-only stream would let us feel every bump, every “This is awesome!” chant, like I’m ringside, not a couch potato. Netflix, you’re the future; make wrestling great again with one simple button.

To be fair, I get why they won’t. You know what Vince loved about the Thunderdome era? Getting thousands of fans to record their isolated audios—cheers, boos, and chants—to pipe in at future events wherever and however the company saw fit. Triple H said on record that’s what Vince always wanted—control of the crowd. And the commentary? That’s the top layer of audio so now Hunter can use it to mask the transitioning into crowd-sweetening audio tracks. NXT Talent failing to get over on the main roster? Sweeten the audio and tell the TV audience he’s doing great. Without commentary, their favorite new tool would be exposed. But as fans, we know that the crowd’s voice is the only call we need; anything else is just corporate static.

So, Netflix, if you can hear me underneath this rock, make it happen. HBO Max, I know you forget, but you have shows called Dynamite and Collision that stream on your service. Make a mute button to actually shut up Excalibur. Please, for the love of God. Wrestling’s not about talking heads; it’s about bodies hitting the mat, catchy entrance music, pipe-bomb promos, and crowds losing their minds.

All I’m asking for is the OPTION. Those that want them in their ears 100% of the time? Let them! But me? I want to hear the show.

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