Do you suffer from sleepless nights? Do you have irrational mood swings, cramping, severe acne, and fear you might have IBS? Are you in the long disproven belief that alpha and beta males exist?

Does this picture below trigger you? 

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My friend, you might be suffering from what scientists from around the world call AEW Derangement Syndrome. 

Yes, it’s real, and yes, we have found a cure!

Originally coined by Charles Krauthammer during the Bush Administration, he defined “derangement syndrome” as:

 “the acute onset of paranoia in otherwise normal people in reaction to the policies, the presidency—nay—the very existence of George W. Bush”

This ‘derangement syndrome’ has also been used for the 47th President and future doofus-in-chief, Donald Trump. However, when the walking clown show that is Donald Trump burns the circus that is the United States to the ground, the only thing deranged will be denial from the zoo animals that double as his supporters.

/end politics rant

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I digress.

All you need to do is take this simple five question quiz to find out if you have AEW Derangement Syndrome. Results may vary, consult your personal physician for more details.

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1. You Comment on AEW, Even Though You Don’t Watch or Like It

I know everybody wants to be wanted. One can only spend so much time on the internet without the urge to have sex with another human being. Connection is truly important. But if you’re like some that are terminally online, angsty, and looks like they just rolled out of a homeless shelter like JDFromNY, sex may not be an option.

However, some really will go out of their way to comment negatively on AEW without even watching the product. Hell, a simple investment and a good faith effort to give the product an honest go is all anyone can ask for.

But put it this way: If a wrestling fan who hates WWE, doesn’t watch WWE, knows they will probably never like WWE, and talked trash about them all of the time, kept commenting on them as if their opinion mattered, what would you think of them?

Right. They’re desperate. They crave attention. Why would you take them seriously?

But it’s okay, for this is the first symptom of AEW Derangement Syndrome. Most normal and well-functioning individuals simply do not watch stuff they don’t like, be it a TV series, movie, etc. Complaining about it never helps.

If you fall into this category, give yourself 1 point.

 

2. You Spend More Time Hating AEW Than Enjoying Any Other Wrestling Product

Have you made hating AEW your entire identity? Do you lay awake at night thinking of new nicknames for Tony Khan? Does your social media handle or avatar include references to hating another entertainment company?

This is the second symptom of AEW Derangement Syndrome.

It’s embarrassing to throw out inaccurate and biased word salads on the internet regarding AEW, especially when one doesn’t watch or enjoy the product. It’s even more of an embarrassment to take more time in hating AEW than watching the wrestling you actually enjoy.

Jim Cornette and Eric Bischoff might be feckless tools that are well past their years, and they demean AEW on a daily basis — but at least they’re getting paid for it. 

Are you not getting paid for your regurgitated talking points about this alleged “failing” company that did so wrong by you? Can you point out where on the doll AEW hurt you?

If you fall into this category, give yourself 1 point.

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3. You Deny AEW’s Success

I’m sorry to break this to you, but AEW is financially successful. This is the same company that just inked a half-a-billion TV/Streaming deal with WBD/MAX. A company that still does million dollar PPV gates regularly, has found success globally, and has been praised and featured by the likes of Forbes, ESPN, Sports Illustrated, and Variety.

This is a valued $2 Billion company, which is subjectively good for company that just turned 5-years-old.

While attendance has been declining over the years, I honestly attribute that to AEW being an alternative to the mainstream WWE. When AEW was hot in 2021, they had momentum, a new and not yet ornery C.M. Punk, a not-so-hot WWE product, and a wider audience fresh off of a pandemic.

Wrestling fans are fickle. Once WWE became hot and AEW hit a cold streak, many left and haven’t looked back. As I’ve said before, many WWE fans never wanted an alternative, but just for WWE to get better.

What is left is the core crowd of loyal AEW fans. This core base still regularly brings in 2-4k crowds for weekly shows and anywhere from 6-10k for PPVs, and around 100-150k for PPV buyrates.

That’s still quite a solid base and hopefully room to grow. As a #2, it’s subjectively good.

Anyone who can’t see past that and still believes it’s 1998 and that TV ratings matter, or that financial failure is around the corner, is just giving themselves unnecessary ulcers. How many times have the aforementioned Jim Cornette and Eric Bischoff shouted that AEW is in trouble?

And where is AEW now? Profitable. Making approximately $3.6 million per week. They are successful, as much as some may not want to admit it.

If you fall into this category, give yourself 1 point.

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4. You Can’t Watch Because of Tony Khan

There are some that just don’t like Tony Khan. Hey, that’s fine. Nobody has to like everyone. However, it seems that some let their extreme distaste for TK affect their viewing of a show that hardly ever features him.

Sure, Tony Khan has taken straight from the Paul Heyman playbook and has been fiercely, and sometimes embarrassingly defensive of AEW online.

But imagine not watching AEW because Tony Khan can be a character, or even at worst, a new boss that is learning on the job, while watching WWE all these years knowing how awful of a human being Vince McMahon is. It’s not a logical excuse.

And I’m not even talking about his Janel Grant case. McMahon has had a plethora of public scandals and controversies going back to the early 90s. Yet that didn’t seem to bother anyone, did it? But Tony Khan sometimes acting like a mark does?

I’d be a mark for my own wrestling company, too.

And I’m not saying you shouldn’t watch WWE because of McMahon or Levesque. But to cite that you can’t watch AEW because of Tony Khan is just desperate, and well, another symptom of AEWDS.

If you fall into this category, give yourself 1 point.

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5. You Believe AEW Is “Not How Wrestling Should Be”.

Contrary to popular belief (at least seemingly), pro wrestling exists around the world in many different forms. From hardcore wrestling to comedy acts, strong style, old school, and the indyriffic style we all adore — pro wrestling, like any medium, comes in different forms.

Cody Rhodes said it himself. WWE has conditioned an entire generation of wrestling fans to believe that pro wrestling has to look a certain way. It has to be formulaic; a 20-minute staged opening with heavily scripted promos, shorter and usually formulaic TV matches, larger-than-life, cartoonish personalities.

This is what legacy wrestling is. Much like legacy news media (CNN, Fox, CBS, NBC, etc.) I see WWE in the same light.

And this is totally fine! It has been working for decades for a reason. Even if it’s not my personal cup of tea, it’s very successful, and I have nothing to say that would change that. It’s a formula that works. 

But just because one formula works for one mainstream company doesn’t mean everyone else should follow suit. 

At the end of the day, whether it’s TJPW, GCW, New Japan, STARDOM, WWE or AEW, the goal is to tell a story inside of a wrestling ring. That is all pro wrestling has always been and always will be, and you can do this many different ways.

No matter what online wrestling grifters will tell you, if a story is told, then that is all that truly matters. Everything else is subjective opinion at that point, hopefully in good faith.

AEW tells stories a little different than WWE. It’s usually through the match itself. It’s usually also a slow burn through a series of matches or segments. It’s how it’s been done in the company since day one.

Pro wrestling can be whatever it wants, and you have the choice not to watch if you don’t prefer that particular brand of it, much like music, television, or even food. I may believe that Taco Bell isn’t ‘real’ Mexican food — but am I going to give everyone that eats Taco Bell the stink eye for not eating real Mexican when a local and authentic Mexican restaurant is just around the corner?

No. Because it’s 2AM, and these people are drunk, and all they want is greasy carbohydrates that will go down easy in one end and not so easy out the other. I will let them enjoy their tacos. 

Let AEW fans enjoy their “tacos”.

If you fall into this category, give yourself 1 point.

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The Cure for AEWDS

How did you do? Here’s a scale. 

0/5 – Great! You don’t have AEWDS! You simply let people like what they like and aren’t a complete dick about it. You may even watch AEW and try to follow regularly, as well as give honest feedback. If you’re like me, you’re a hardcore fan even.

1/5 – Not an official diagnosis, but mild AEWDS might be present. You may want to improve on the specific category you gave yourself a point in.

2/5 – Minor AEWDS. You haven’t completely lost your cookies yet, and you might even still go outside. Best to stop listening to so much 83 Weeks, though. It might be rotting your brain. Try POST Wrestling. It’s a much better podcast, and quite balanced.

3/5 – Mid AEWDS. Have you been outside recently? Maybe it’s time to stay off of social media, just for a little while. Or perhaps stick to pro-WWE/pro-TNA accounts until symptoms reside.

4/5 – AEWDS. You have it. It’s not an extreme case, but it is full blown AEWDS. You may want to reevaluate your life a little. Stay off social media entirely, find a hobby, consider finding another human to interact with in-person. Best to avoid anything AEW until you can approach the brand without getting triggered.

5/5 – Extreme AEWDS. Unfollow all social media wrestling influencers immediately. Change your screenname to something non-wrestling related, or even a wrestler you DO like. Maybe John Cena. You like John Cena, right? Start working out, get outside more, start journaling, stay off of wrestling news sites, and try affirming to yourself that Tony Khan can’t hurt you. He’s just an owner of a wrestling company you prefer not to watch. Only consume wrestling media you like in all forms. If you don’t like any wrestling, maybe stop watching entirely?

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Your Prescription/Summary

In all seriousness, this is why wrestling fans get a bad rap online. And don’t try to throw it back in my face “Oh, AEW fans are bad, too” — Yes, I know. There are bad apples in every bunch. But none that I see so much make hating a brand part of their identity to the point where they are literally denying reality.

Of a wrestling show. A product of entertainment.

It’s great to be a passionate wrestling fan. Buddha knows I am. But when something you viscerally hate so much takes over your identity to the point where you can’t stop talking about the thing you don’t like — perhaps it’s time to step away. Take a break. This can’t be a fulfilling existence for you.

You don’t want to become an internet wrestling columnist just to write about what you don’t like for decades on end, now do you?

Anyway — a 30-day supply of valium for you. Make sure to share with the new real life friends you’ll be making!

Peace.

-TKW