IWC Scum — Feeling Snakebitten By The Holes in This Pat McAfee Reveal

Welcome back to the column that puts the incessant whining and complaining in IWC. I’m a sacrilegious scum blogger named SkitZ, and this is my latest slew of slander.

So the voices in Randy’s head told him to call Pat McAfee? A guy who has no personal history to speak of with Randy or Cody, who share enough backstory between them to carry this entire WrestleMania season. Yet we’re not going there for some reason. Stephanie McMahon just came out on Monday’s RAW to warn Cody about the version of Randy he’s unleashed, only for Orton to make it oddly apparent four nights later that he needs Pat fucking McAfee to defeat Rhodes at WrestleMania. The fact WWE felt compelled to dial up a mystery caller in the first place shows just how deep the writer’s block runs in 2026.

Creative had five whole weeks after Randy’s heel turn to build this story with Cody heading into Las Vegas, yet what’s the narrative they’ve been pushing? Nothing but the champ giving Orton his blessing to morph into the best version of himself. How Rhodes doesn’t realize who he’s dealing with, despite the fact that Cody knows just as well as anyone what Randy is capable of. Meanwhile, The Viper’s been regurgitating nothing but “voices in my head”, “#15”, rinse and repeat ever since winning the Elimination Chamber match. Why isn’t WWE scorching the Earth with this feud and digging beneath the surface when there’s layers upon layers to sift through?

Am I expecting too much from this WrestleMania season when we’ve been down this road so many times before? Delusional internet fans like myself tend to think we always know best, but the story is literally RIGHT THERE in front of us waiting to be told, so what’s with this bizarre side quest? Is this a knee jerk reaction at attempting to be edgy and pulling the curtain back? Because much like the ire behind these recent “Sami Hogan” chants, it ain’t working for me, brother.

How has WWE completely lost the plot of their own show? Why aren’t we delving into Cody’s dad getting his cowbell rung by Randy back in the day? Or the two years Rhodes spent learning from Orton while they were part of Legacy? What about the Artist Formerly Known as Stardust failing to reach The Viper’s level, then having to leave and find success elsewhere? Or Cody returning to take the spot Randy once had while the latter slipped down a couple rungs? With two measly SmackDown episodes left before Mania, I guess we’re not covering any of that. Okay then.

The McAfee reveal was so far out of left field that it just didn’t hit right. Big swing and a miss on the home run attempt. I refuse to believe Pat was who the company had in mind when they sprang this mystery caller crap upon us. That’s if there ever was a set plan in place to begin with. Oh and last time I checked, McAfee doesn’t come from any royal wrestling family as Orton’s recorded conversation seemed to suggest. Nor would he have any insight to offer a first ballot Hall of Famer who’s done it all in pro wrestling.

Why the fuck would a killer like Randy who’s just had the creative shackles removed need a hype man to cut his promos? Especially one who’s meta-baiting the audience about shit which has absolutely nothing to do with Orton’s latest talking points. Pat being called upon to help the build was met with the same type of Do Not Disturb energy as Travis Scott when he came out alone at WrestleMania last year. And why do I get the sinking suspicion that McAfee will be the reason Randy either wins or loses in Vegas? It’s a travesty we’re even at this stage given the amount of prep time and potential involved.

Pat couldn’t be bothered to fill Corey Graves’ shoes on a full-time basis, but he’s free to step in as Randy’s manager on a whim? Ah yes, that’s right. It’s the off-season for football, so McAfee has a few months to kill before next season begins. If Orton does wrestle the title away from Cody and Pat sticks around, we could be in for a long summer of slamming Randy’s reign on social media. I’d rather the retired NFL punter just return to the booth as a heel commentator. Not that we need another Miz/Michael Cole scenario, but at least the ensuing matches wouldn’t be so ass.

The tragic part is that I love McAfee as a person and performer. He’s so genuinely funny and charismatic, which is why it’s hard to take Pat seriously in this new role. Becoming an overnight politician for everything that’s wrong with current day WWE just feels so – for lack of a less offensive word – fake. Especially since the world knows that McAfee is as big of a mark for the scripted sport as the rest of us. Pat’s a man of the people. He’s authentic and likeable, and this sudden personality shift is anything but.

Can we also give it a rest with these formidable athletes needing the numbers game to get one up on an opponent simply because they’re the designated villain? The same argument applies with a genetic freak like Jade Cargill. Her and Orton don’t need an advantage; their size and strength is the goddamn advantage! Heel Randy is supposed to possess the mental edge as well, yet the only vile thing he’s done thus far was the attack on Cody immediately following their contract signing. The beatdown Orton gave Rhodes during Pat’s Twitter-based tirade was the drizzling shits. Aside from Randy’s initial promo, that entire segment was trash honestly.

This online debate about celebrities stealing too much of the spotlight at WrestleMania is a losing battle. It’s nothing new either. Internet fans have been lobbying against the growing influence of non-wrestlers in WWE for ages. A rhetorical complaint the company’s turned a blind eye to because of how many extra views these singers and internet sensations bring to the product. Do proven commodities such as Carmelo Hayes and Aleister Black deserve a spot on the Mania card? Sure, but that’s never been the issue. Triple H and Nick Khan will always value one’s status and global reach over the opinions of us pesky internet nerds.

Hence why they dragged Jelly Roll’s skinny fat ass into a Cody/Randy beef he had no business being involved in. And why despite his sustained support throughout years of questionable booking, LA Knight finds himself stream-feuding with IShowSpeed heading into WM42. And why the viral YouTuber is ultimately bound to land a deal similar to that of Logan Paul’s, who will no doubt win a World Championship in WWE someday no matter how much the fanbase rebels. And why the company couldn’t just be content with Pat McAfee serving as an amusing color commentator. They had to give him the Jonathan Coachman treatment, ala a heel turn as unwarranted as Maven’s crooked podcast. Now the best we can hope for is a frantic rewrite where Orton suffers a psychotic break on Friday night and punts McAfee back off television.

I know the cooler heads in these situations are always imploring us to be patient and watch it play out, but your boy SkitZ has seen enough. Lately every RAW and SmackDown has had me opting for more fulfilling forms of entertainment (i.e. competently written TV shows that offer excitement and cohesion without insulting our skewed intelligence). Not whatever this nonsense is unraveling before our eyes. Contrary to how it probably appears, I wanna be able to kick back and enjoy my pro wrestling every week. However I’m starting to feel like Tito over here with all his “TKO IS PICKPOCKETING YOU PUPPETS” propaganda, and that’s a shitty headspace to be in. The old man might have a point though…