IWC Scum — Course Correcting The Undertaker’s Mania Streak [1993-2006]
Welcome back to the column that puts the incessant whining and complaining in IWC. I’m a former basement dweller named SkitZ, and this is a concept jacked from the fantasy fappers who came before me.
Over the years, I’ve read countless columns where a wrestling fan revises The Phenom’s WrestleMania opponents; many of which were posted long before Mark Calaway called it quits. The idea has always intrigued me, and now that he’s remained retired for half a decade, I think it’s finally safe to toy around with The Deadman’s Mania track record. Between Taker turning the big 6-0 yesterday and the popularity of his Six Feet Under podcast, it feels like the perfect time to put my own personal touch on an oldie but a goodie.
After some deliberation, I decided to split this column into two parts due to getting real long winded with my explanations for some of these proposed substitutions. Therefore the second half of the series will be posted later this week. The only rules I stuck to while constructing this was making sure my selections worked for WWE at the time and were somewhat realistic. Any WrestleMania matches of The Undertaker’s that aren’t mentioned were great showings I opted to leave as is. And in keeping with that spirit, I left WMVII & VIII alone since Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka and Jake “The Snake” Roberts were ideal foes to kick off The Deadman’s streak. Giant Gonzalez however was like The Great Khali being sent back via time machine in a shitty Halloween costume he wore year-round. That’s where our history tampering begins unfortunately.
IX: Giant Gonzalez out, Razor Ramon in
The flashy Cuban arrived in the summer of ‘92 with plenty of buzz and bling; hotshotting himself into the Survivor Series main event by hook or crook. Who knew it would ultimately be Warrior sent packing due to coke fueled delusions, and not the Tony Montana ripoff. After Razor challenged Bret for the WWF Title at the 1993 Royal Rumble, he was shifted into a forgettable Mania feud with Bob Buckland (who I randomly spotted at my local Subway years ago). Bit of a blah debut for the Scarface inspired villain given the impact he made rolling into the joint.
To put it bluntly, both Taker and the Bad Guy could’ve benefited greatly from feuding this early into their respective WWF careers. The Deadman once referred to his WM9 match with Giant Gonzalez as “a tough day at the office”. A shallow dig by The Undertaker, and a rather merciful one considering the company buried his body-suited nemesis a mere 9 months later. Their critical failure of a performance was a real pain in the neck for viewers and Taker himself, who credits Gonzalez for not knowing how to give a proper forearm across the upper back.
Remembered as one of the least rewarding WrestleMania’s from both a booking and financial standpoint, there is ALOT I would like to change about said event, but I’ll just give my two cents on this one match. Vince McMahon should’ve saved the money he wasted on Gonzalez’s contract and put it towards Taker versus Razor instead. The billing of said encounter would’ve been worth it alone. A cool cocky Bad Guy who’s also an imposing figure, who’s equally as agile in the ring as The Phenom, and who’s extra motivated to steal the show at his first WrestleMania. You wanna bet they couldn’t do so against this card? I’ll take those odds any day of the week.
Taker wins by DQ so Razor doesn’t lose any steam during his initial push. This show seemingly had half a dozen non-finishes, so why not pile on? The Phenom gets lucky enough to leave Vegas 3-0.
X: Missed due to Injury
Despite his absence, I’m a man who loves diving into hypotheticals, especially when it comes to potential victims for The Deadman. Based on WWE’s talent pool in 1994, I’m curious who YOU the reader would’ve paired The Phenom with that year had his sabbatical never happened?
My money is on some poor soul like Crush or Adam Bomb, who Taker had a chronic habit of burying historically. Tragic really when you consider there were still legends like Randy Savage on the roster doing next to nothing aside from keeping Vince company behind the announce table.
XI: King Kong Bundy out, Owen Hart in
After a lengthy hiatus that saw him sit out the tenth anniversary of Mania, Taker returned to liquidating the Million Dollar Man’s largest assets, and they didn’t get much heftier than King Kong Bundy. The Phenom carried him to a mediocre match void of any real significance, aside from The Streak being acknowledged on air for the first time, and Taker’s 450-pound opponent being too plump to pick up for a tombstone. Rather than book that letdown, Vince should’ve elevated one of his New Gen stars instead.
I give you The Black Hart. Owen got a raw deal long before Bret left WWF for one that proved detrimental to his own health. I’ve always been a firm believer that you reward the guys who rise to the occasion when given the opportunity. Owen spent the entirety of 1994 – as well as early ‘95 – chasing a spotlight that wasn’t eclipsed by his brother’s shadow. He won King of the Ring, helped create two of the best matches in WrestleMania and SummerSlam history, and exceeded expectations across the board. How did Vince repay the King of Harts? He demoted Owen to the tag team division… into a random ass partnership with Yokozuna.
It doesn’t matter that they walked out of WM11 with the titles. Owen deserved a better follow-up to his family feud, and a faceoff with The Phenom intrigues the hell outta me. Taker may have cleared Hart by an entire foot, but I’m not listening to any height laced hate in regards to this pairing. It becomes a moot point when Owen’s tying The Undertaker in knots on the mat. And for anybody who wants to complain about the outcome being predictable, was there ever any doubt about The Deadman burying Bundy? At least Owen had the ability to pull a fast one on Taker.
Hart beats him at the technical game, but The Phenom hits the big blows when it counts to extend his streak to 4-0. Oh and if you ever needed a more obvious sign that business was down at the time, look no further than Vince bringing Mania to Hartford of all shitholes. As someone who’s called Connecticut home for the past 20 years, this is no place for such an event. There’s a reason why we don’t have any pro sports teams (I doubt an XFL franchise would even consider us). Might as well have held WM11 in the WWF Headquarters parking lot and saved a few bucks.
XIII: Sycho Sid out, Vader in
Rewind your mind back to all the names lingering around the WWF Title scene at the time, and tell me it doesn’t seem OJ Simpson levels of criminal that we ended up with this travesty of justice as WM 13’s main event. It didn’t sit well with many people, and despite The Deadman making situps his specialty over the course of the decade, dude had his work cut out for him that evening. Taker versus Sid just didn’t quite fit. While it would’ve been infinitely more enjoyable watching Bret Hart or Steve Austin face The Phenom, I can’t in good conscience erase the all-time classic they gave us earlier in the show. Nor can I sit through a single Sycho Sid match without wishing for my mind to be wiped clean.
Ideally, I would’ve preferred Taker headline WM13 against The Man They Call Vader. A seamless substitute really when you consider the two had already been feuding for a few months leading up to the event. Vader wins the four corners match at the previous PPV instead of Sycho Sid, and you’re off and running. The Deadman finally reclaims the WWF Championship, basks in his retro ring attire at Mania, and nothing drastic changes historically. Besides, Vader challenged him for the title a couple months later anyways! We’d just be speeding up the process.
Although his 3-year stint in WWE didn’t quite go as planned, Vader delivered on his end of the deal throughout the first half of it. Leon White’s biggest accomplishments occurred in other companies, but it still would’ve been nice to see The Man They Called Vader get his WrestleMania moment. The Streak balloons to 6-0 as Vader eats the loss, and probably a receipt too after stiffing Taker the last time they split the bill.
XV: Big Boss Man out, Mr. McMahon in
The Deadman really encountered some unfortunate luck throughout the 90’s when it came to odd years, didn’t he? Even as the Lord of Darkness closed out the decade surrounded by a faction full of jobbers, I doubt many fans expected him to be in the ring with one at WrestleMania.
Ironic that Vince saw Big Boss Man as the man for the job that year when I felt Mr. McMahon himself should’ve been the poor soul locked inside the cell with Taker. I realize Vince was more preoccupied screwing over Stone Cold for the millionth dime, but VKM really could’ve given high times hangin’ with The Deadman a far more optimistic outlook than what actually took place. We’ve seen the bigger boss man seemingly maimed or killed on half a dozen occasions, so what’s the harm? Mr. McMahon might’ve possessed minimum wrestling skill, but he always overcame it with unlimited showmanship. Big Boss Man just cosplayed in a SWAT uniform until the company found vestly superior replacements.
Despite the cell being designed to keep people out, I can’t imagine a match between the leaders of two major stables not including a clusterfuck ton of interference. It certainly would’ve held our attention, which is more than I can say for The Phenom’s lackluster opponent (RIP Boss Man). Taker puts his boss through hell en route to 8-0.
XVI: Missed due to Injury
I’ll pose the same question to you again – if Undertaker didn’t suffer a setback during his rehab and returned at the start of 2000 as The American Badass, who would you book as his opponent for WrestleMania 16? I think there’s a strong possibility we could’ve seen the Brothers of Destruction team up against a couple chickenshit heels (and no, I’m not referring to Pete Rose in a bird costume).
Side note: Did you ever notice how Vince put very little forethought into The Deadman’s Mania plans throughout his run as Biker Taker? At least not until The Rock, Austin and Lesnar left, which forced VKM to rely more heavily upon his Phenom to sell tickets.
XIX: Big Show & A-Train out, John Cena in
Peak Undertaker could do the majority of the heavy lifting on any given night, but even he couldn’t carry Nathan Jones to being ring ready for WrestleMania 19. After WWE’s Italian Bloodline took him out of the equation on Sunday Night Heat, Big Evil went into war solo against Show and Albert in what ultimately became a handicap bout. I actually enjoyed some elements of this match. You’d expect a slower pace between these three lumbering heavyweights, but they were up against a stacked card that night and worked like it. And no matter how much Fred Durst resembles a lawn gnome these days, Limp Bizkit performing The Deadman’s entrance remains one of my all-time favorites for being as equally patriotic as it was badass.
Now having said that, Taker’s history of underwhelming Mania matches resurfaced again in ‘03. He went from delivering huge with Triple H and Ric Flair the previous two years, to going on second in a modified tag match void of any real stakes. The biggest gripe for me is how loaded SmackDown’s roster was during that era, yet you booked The Phenom to work a guy he’d wrestled a ton; along with a repackaged Prince Albert.
The WWE2K nerd in me wishes he could just replace them with Eddie Guerrero or Chris Benoit, but I’m afraid logic comes into play here. Benoit was a babyface only a mother could love, and he and Eddie were still doing big things in SmackDown’s tag team division. An American Badass versus Latino Heat matchup would’ve torched Safeco Field to the ground, but if we’re being completely honest, Guerrero wasn’t quite on that level yet in WWE.
Therefore, one name in particular springs to my mind in this scenario – John Cena. After nearly being out of a job 5 months earlier, The Doctor of Thuganomics had caught fire with his foul-mouthed freestyles, but ended up watching WM19 from the sidelines. Given how Cena challenged Brock for the WWE Title at Backlash the following month, booking him in a match against The Deadman (similar to what they produced a couple months later at Vengeance) could have served as a nice stepping stone. As well as added to Cena and Taker’s story arc further down the road. More on that in the second half of this series, but regardless, The American Badass cruises to 11-0.
XX: Bald Kane out, Goldberg in
When it came to facing The Phenom on his most clutch night of the year, I wish WWE would’ve leaned more into his opponents boasting unbeaten streaks of their own heading into Mania. You’ll see it referenced more than once throughout this series. I’d first have Goldberg end Triple H’s reign of terror at SummerSlam instead to avoid the loss by pinfall. Then he holds the World Heavyweight Title until Armageddon where Evolution jumps Goldberg earlier in the show, and Eric Bischoff’s diabolical ass still puts his title on the line in a multi-man main event, thus ensuring there’s a new champion. Essentially a CM Punk / Unforgiven ‘08 type screw job if you catch my drift. Bill loses the gold without even competing in the match, then Undertaker’s gong hits during the 2004 Royal Rumble leading to a distracted Goldberg being eliminated, and there’s your setup.
WWE does their own version of Goldberg’s WCW streak, as he goes a whole year without being pinned or submitted before claiming The Deadman is next. Vince waited about 15 years too long to book this, and thus it became more of a scream match than a dream scenario in 2019 when the wrestling world thought for sure we’d witness either Goldberg or The Phenom become a paraplegic at Super ShowDown.
Imagine however if this match had happened during Goldberg’s initial WWE run… it might’ve actually been awarded a positive number of stars! Bill and Brock’s half-assed effort at WMXX did nobody any favors whatsoever. It felt like Stone Cold was inserted more to diffuse the crowd than maintain order between the two muscle heads. With both Goldberg and Lesnar leaving, it was a lose-lose scenario for the company. Vince must’ve known at least a few months in advance, so why not book things more to your benefit by having Goldberg put over a top star who wasn’t going anywhere?
I also get why unmasked Kane seemed like the perfect opponent for Taker story-wise, but their 2004 encounter was more of a welcome back segment than an actual match. We had watched the Brothers of Destruction do battle as many times as Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn by that point, so why bother running it back? Turned out to be nothing but an insult to their WrestleMania XIV epic. Goldberg versus Taker could’ve been sold as a first-time ever matchup that pitted undefeated streak against undefeated streak. The Phenom no-sells a pair of spears, then eats a third one before countering the jackhammer into a tombstone; sending Goldberg into early retirement as the true streak swells to 12-0.
XXII: Mark Henry out, Kurt Angle in
Revising The Deadman’s WM22 opponent comes down to two factors: 1. Mark Henry would eventually hit his stride in 2011 to much fanfare, but this felt like a waste of a Mania appearance for Taker at the time. Almost as if the clock had turned back to what The Phenom would’ve been boring us with in the early to mid nineties. And 2. His instant classic with Kurt Angle at No Way Out warranted a bigger stage, if only so more eyeballs could witness its greatness.
Angle walked into Mania that year as World Heavyweight Champion and contributed to a fun (albeit brief) triple threat affair, but I’d argue Kurt deserved better during the final stretch of his initial run in WWE. Without screwing up history too much, I’d still switch Angle to SmackDown in the battle royal for the vacant World Title and have him win it. Then you book Angle to defend the belt at No Way Out against Orton, Taker interferes, inadvertently costs Kurt the gold, and Randy versus Rey plays out at WM22 as a singles match. Easy math, problem solved.
Not too long ago, The Deadman spoke on his podcast about how he and Angle wrestled some matches that don’t get talked about enough, and the guy’s absolutely right. Their barnburner at No Way Out 2006 took home MOTY honors, and the only thing missing from that year’s Mania was a 5-star wrestling clinic. Something about the size discrepancy combined with Kurt’s amateur background just made them click. The modern day equivalent would be like Roman Reigns facing Chad Gable. You know that shit’s gonna be fire every single time. As for what role Mark Henry gets relegated to on the show, hell if I know. Let him referee the Playboy Pillow Fight as a consolation prize. It sure beats the booker making you job to The Boogeyman. Meanwhile, Taker outlasts The Olympic Gold Medalist and streaks to 14-0.
Well we’ve officially reached intermission, folks. Exit out of this popup infested page, stretch your legs, and check back in a couple days from now. WrestleMania 23 will be on the chopping block when the series resumes. Do I leave the surprisingly great Taker/Batista match be? Or do I recast the future movie star’s part to someone else? We shall see…
Twitter: writersblock_skitz (@SirSkitzAlot)
Email: skitztmrlop@gmail.com