IWC Scum — Struggling to Play Peacemaker During This Diabolical Retirement Tour
Welcome back to the column that puts the incessant whining and complaining in IWC. I’m a nail-biting neanderthal named SkitZ, and this is my solution to not chewing them clean off.
Leave it to John Cena to give us the most polarizing retirement tour of all time. Amidst a highly publicized sendoff that many would claim has been comically flawed, the joke’s really on us for believing this last hurrah of his could’ve ever run smoothly. Given the wide range of reactions that our jorts-laden superhero generated throughout his career, this is oh so fitting. Almost to the point where hating on Cena’s grand goodbye has become the trendy thing to do. The easy route. The low hanging fruit. The majority vote. A general consensus on par with the narrative that Vince McMahon would’ve handled it far worse.
The doom and gloom dialogue across social media has reached a point where using an opinion piece to poke holes in Cena’s farewell feels shamefully tacky. I didn’t even wanna write this column, but the temptation was simply too strong to ignore. Whenever this marathon tour appears to be getting back on track, it takes a sudden detour that sends those of us along for the ride into a rage-induced tailspin. There’s been spectacular views, potholes, bumpy transitions, and second guessing galore. Now the finish line is rapidly approaching for Cena, and the hits keep coming; just not at all in the manner in which we expected.
With 8 measly dates left on the Last Time is Now world tour, WWE decided to waste nearly half of them on Brock Lesnar to set up a showdown for the company’s big debut on ESPN. An actual match might have sufficed, but the shitty squash we were treated to is sitting about as well as the reheated beef stew I ate for dinner. Now knowing the original post-SummerSlam plans for Cena and Styles only makes it that much harder to stomach.
Then when the powers-that-be finally do grant our wish, it’s a scheduling issue. “Give us AJ Styles versus John Cena!” WWE obliges and books it for Crown Jewel. “Bro so random. No story whatsoever.” As if we haven’t collectively laid eyes on the never seen seventeen’s remaining list of dates more times than we care to count. Thanks to my nerd instincts, I’ve had them memorized since mid-summer.
However, one can’t help but wonder who in the blue ring of Road Dogg hell sat down with John and chose these dates at the start of the year. As it stands now, Cena’s promoted to appear on back-to-back RAWs in November, presumably to build towards his match at WarGames, then the swan song in mid-December, and that’s it. Was there no conscious concern exhibited in making sure Cena would have at least one promo segment to build towards these last couple PLEs on the calendar? Why not lighten the schedule over the summer months in order to increase his number of appearances down the stretch?
Just a thought. The same type of confused pondering that occurred when Cena cut a babyface promo 48 hours before his rematch with Rhodes, as if he’d suddenly been roused from a 5-month schizophrenic stupor. Nothing says “yeah we fucked this whole heel Cena thing up” quite like that go-home segment for SummerSlam. It’s honestly been doomed since the start though.
Attempting to make John Cena a villain turned out to be an immediate cash grab with no long-term payoff in place. The shocker at Elimination Chamber wasn’t even done to benefit the story going into Mania and beyond. According to Nick Khan, it was merely a means to fill the venue in Toronto. Everybody wanted to point the finger at The Rock for killing the climax of WrestleMania Night 2 after he took part in the year’s biggest angle, but guess what? That blame falls squarely on Triple H and the company president. They knew Dwayne Johnson wouldn’t be showing up at WM41, yet the corporate shills let us foolishly assume that Rocky would play a pivotal role in the closing moments of Cena/Cody. It put the GOAT and defending champ in such a winless scenario that WWE had to cart out trainwreck Travis Scott in the Final Boss’s absence. As good ol’ Jim Ross would say, that’s weaksauce.
Vince McMahon had a whole 10-15 year stretch where the diehards would’ve killed for that ever-elusive heel turn, yet his son-in-law waited until the very last stage of Cena’s career to do it when everyone just wants to celebrate the dude. Therefore, despite John’s best efforts, he didn’t succeed in ruining wrestling as much as WWE miscasted his final act when the story practically wrote itself.
Has Cena’s 2025 campaign been the colossal failure that many fans have made it out to be? In fairness, I really enjoyed his dueling promo wars with Cody heading into Mania. Same goes for the Punk feud, which I wish had lasted longer. Things were on the upswing following his character reset in early August, but the Saudi showdown with AJ has a heavy Lesnar stench hovering above it. I’m still perplexed as to how wildly inconsistent the GOAT’s been booked this year given that WWE’s known it was coming since Cena announced it at Money in the Bank 2024.
From back-to-back bangers to cap off the summer, to a crappy recreation of SummerSlam 2014’s infamous main event, to no appearances in-between PLEs, this shit is more puzzling than a ‘Choose Your Own Adventure’ book. Could it be any more obvious that Trips & Co. are flying by the seam of their ass backwards pants with Cena’s farewell tour? At this rate, I’m half expecting Peacemaker to pop up during RAW in a Wingstop ad with Dirty Dom and for it to count as one of his last few appearances.
The IWC proceeded to crap all over Logan Paul being selected as one of Cena’s final opponents, but it looks like a great decision in retrospect, especially compared to the mauling that followed at Wrestlepalooza. Even John Cena Sr. couldn’t avoid dumping on his son’s booking recently, which bums me out because he too would’ve been a welcomed addition to this nostalgia trip! Drew McIntyre showing up at his doorstep to stir the pot, Logan Paul suckerpunching the old man backstage, you get the gist.
If beggars could be choosers, I would’ve had the company capitalize more on the inconsequential episodes of RAW and SmackDown where Cena just cut promos. There’s a heightened risk of injury and fatigue that comes with having him wrestle more frequently, sure, but sprinkling in some extra TV matches (such as the awesome open challenge against Sami) might’ve gone a long way in appeasing the fans whilst knocking additional opponents off of Cena’s bucket list.
Pffft listen to me spout nonsense. Keeping the fans happy is an illusion; a notion as fleeting as it is unobtainable. Even if John had fought every notable name from Dom to Seth this year, the IWC would want him wrestling every able body on the roster. Hell, there’s a group of yahoos actively psyching themselves up for one last Cena/Edge match that’s not even contractually possible! People clamoring for a 4-month extension to this yearlong retirement tour sums it up perfectly.
WWE’s leap of faith in villainizing their ultimate fan favorite flopped harder than a Matt Hardy singles push. How does a company fumble so epically? By parading their franchise player around the globe during his final season and expecting another other than relentless cheers. Sometimes predictable and straightforward is the right path to take. Deviating from the status quo only served to carry this John Cena retirement tour further away from what wrestling fans hoped it would be.
On the flip side, we could’ve gotten the excellent encore with Cody at Mania instead, followed by an Orton heel turn heading into the Backlash match that positioned Randy afterwards for the endlessly teased feud with Rhodes. You erase evil Cena and we could’ve completely avoided the R-Truth stuff. Granted, their mini-feud is likely responsible for saving Ron Killings’ job, but he may as well be gone considering his severe lack of onscreen presence. A Cena/Truth tag team competing against a pair of pricks at May’s SNME sounds far more entertaining than the short squash we were subjected to. That allows you to run the Logan Paul match at Money in the Bank, which frees up Drew McIntyre to be Cena’s Clash in Paris opponent, but not before John drops the belt at SummerSlam to a guy who could actually use the rub in LA Knight.
See all the good that could’ve been achieved had Cena remained his fun loving self for the duration? Fantasy booking aside, I’m grateful that Cena decided to come back and work as many dates this year as he did. John could’ve easily clocked in for the typical Royal Rumble to WrestleMania run and then called it a career. Or not returned at all, aside from the occasional cameo. Instead, Cena spread out his availability over the entirety of 2025, despite the hectic nature of his filming schedule. Odds are this retirement tour ends on a high note, which Cena absolutely deserves at the end of a year ripe with history, highlights, and missed opportunities.
Such as the GOAT’s last match being at the mercy of cable TV’s time constraints. Why his farewell performance was booked for Saturday Night’s Main Event and not RAW or a PLE is beyond my comprehension. I can only hope they devote most of the December 13th special to Cena’s goodbye, and that he doesn’t receive the Goldberg treatment at the top of the hour.
You know what? Fuck it. Give Gunther another legend to retire; one who actually knows how to bow out respectfully without concussing himself again. I’m picturing Cena and The Ring General in a 60-minute ironman match with the rest of the broadcast comprised of video packages, wrestler testimonials, and a show-closing promo. That might be enough to satisfy the fanatics who still feel this John Cena run never fully found its footing. If Gunther’s not medically cleared by then though, I will accept the 17-time World Champion taking a shot at Seth’s title as a backup. Or a Bloodline Rules battle with tweener Jey Uso in a full circle moment dating back to the Royal Rumble. Just sign me to the Creative Team already. I’m not qualified in the slightest, and thus would fit right in.
The GOAT’s final few appearances might be far and few between, but there’s plenty of Peacemaker to catch up on in the meantime. At least that show consistently hits the mark with John Cena.