Hello everyone and welcome to this Extreme Rules preview and predictions edition of Planet Kayfabe. Ugh... SummerSlam is almost here. Don't worry. Whatever. Let's get this shit over with.
Extreme Rules will take place live from the Wells Fargo Center in Philadelphia, PA. Like Paul Heyman said on Raw, Philly knows a bit about "extreme", but they also know the story by now. This is PG WWE. This is the 11th Extreme Rules PPV. We know what to expect and we know what not to expect. We should not truly expect anything "extreme". Hope you love kendo sticks and random shots to the back and no blood. Woooo~ ExxxTreeemmemememe!!!!!! Whatever. Let's do this.
Drew Gulak (c) vs. Tony Nese (Singles match for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship)
There have been no preshow matches announced yet, but let's be real. You know this shit is going right on the preshow while the fans are still zipping their dicks into their pants after taking their preshow piss before sitting down. I'm picking Gulak to retain. It'll probably be a good match, but "good" is just about it.
Braun Strowman vs. Bobby Lashley (Last Man Standing match)
I'd care more about this match if both Strowman and Lashley were not on Raw. Strowman sold the big spot from a couple of weeks ago where he speared Lashley through the LED wall on the stage by being off Raw. Lashley, the recipient of the spear, instead was on Raw without a f***ing scratch on him and squashed Rey Mysterio. To me that killed that whole spot. WWE just can't help themselves though. There was NO reason for Lashley to be on Raw, but he was and he was as fresh as a daisy and because of that I really don't give f*** all about this match.
I'm picking Strowman to win.
Aleister Black vs. Cesaro (Singles match)
Cesaro answered the door and Aleister Black has his fight. I'm glad he's wrestling again because I was really getting sick of those mindless, wordy promos that are supposed to sound all profound and deep but he's really saying nothing. It is just a regular ass singles match so nothing "extreme" here. If they are given at least 10 minutes I'm sure it will be a great match. I doubt it becomes a show stealer, but both are great so it should be fun. Cesaro is a good opponent but in the end, he will eat a loss. Black wins.
Daniel Bryan and Rowan (c) vs. The New Day (Big E and Xavier Woods) vs. Heavy Machinery (Triple threat tag team match for the WWE SmackDown Tag Team Championship)
Does a "triple threat" mean "extreme"? I guess. I mean, it's still no disqualifications. Once again, I'm sticking with the champions to retain. I goof on the lack of "extreme" but there's no reason that this shouldn't be a good match.
Bayley (c) vs. Alexa Bliss and Nikki Cross (Handicap match for the WWE SmackDown Women's Championship)
Yeah, the title is on the line in a Handicap Match because... WCW. I know it's "extreme rules" but this is still kinda dumb. This past week on Raw, Nikki Cross beat Dana Brooke in a faster time than Bayley beat Sarah Logan in a Beat the Clock challenge, so Cross and Bliss got to pick the stipulation of their match for Extreme Rules. I was really enjoying this angle until a week ago when Nikki Cross lost to Bayley. The key of this angle was that Nikki was picking up all the wins while Alexa was getting the glory and people saying Nikki should be getting a shot at the title.
But she lost.
So basically Nikki is like everyone else now. Winning some. Losing some. I know Nikki hasn't been booked like Ronda Rousey, but for this one story, they should have kept her unbeaten. They really f***ed up this good story. So, much like Strowman and Lashley, I don't really care about it.
This match is a handicap match apparently because Alexa Bliss is sick with a sinus infection. Nikki will probably do most of the work and Alexa might take the fall here just to keep the story going that Nikki is the true contender of the duo. I'm picking Bayley to retain.
If Alexa is too sick to compete and this turns into a singles match between Bayley and Nikki I may pick Nikki to win.
The Undertaker and Roman Reigns vs. Shane McMahon and Drew McIntyre (No Holds Barred tag team match)
No holds barred. No f***s given. WWE's nostalgia bandage, The Undertaker, is here to pop a few ticket sales for this nothing show. Enjoy watching Undertaker stand on the apron for 10 minutes while Roman Reigns sells and then hits the hot tag for Undertaker to hit his signature moves.
Look, I love Undertaker. I'm a long time fan of his, but that goose is f***ing cooked. The bar is closed. The game is over. Hang your hat and coat and retire. It was never really explained why Undertaker wants to help Roman and I don't really give a shit. I know the real reason is because they don't want a repeat of the last PPV where they were performing to like 14 fans and the cameramen. From what I hear, this event isn't selling too well either and this is a supposed stronghold for WWE.
Anyway, I'm going with the babyfaces to win here. I can't help but feel that storyline wise The Miz would be a better partner for Roman. The poor guy who has lost to Shane and his lackeys on multiple occasions since turning babyface. There's no opportunity for revenge here, though because Undertaker might sell an extra 30 seats or so at this point for the old delusional fans who are willing to throw down money to watch this old man stand on a ring apron before doing 3 moves.
The Revival (c) vs. The Usos (Tag team match for the WWE Raw Tag Team Championship)
Legit forgot these guys were champions still. Okay. I'm just going to pick the Revival to retain. Another regular match on this show. Again, I'm sure it will be a good match and on any other show I wouldn't really scoff it off, but this is a PPV called "Extreme" Rules. I feel like I say the same f***ing thing every year. If they aren't even going to make half the matches a WWE PG version of "extreme" then just call this PPV something else. Bring back a name from the past. Bring back King of the Ring.
Kofi Kingston (c) vs. Samoa Joe (Singles match for the WWE Championship)
A PPV called "Extreme Rules". You got the WWE title on the line. You got Samoa Joe.
Ahh... just have a regular match.
Dude... f***ing Christ, man. Well, I love Joe. I'd love it if he won, but I'm picking Kofi. The match should be good but this is f***ing "EXTREME" Rules. Come on, WWE. I know. I'm a broken record. Kofi injured his back during a house show match with Dolph Ziggler this past week, but the word out there is that it is not serious. So, I'm not sure if we will get our typical physical Samoa Joe match.
Ricochet (c) vs. AJ Styles (Singles match for the WWE United States Championship)
Oh, look at that. Another plain as the nose on your face singles match on EXTREME RULES. Dude. Why do they even have this event? If only one or two of the matches are going to be "extreme" call it something else. Your basic, typical PPV usually has at least one "extreme" style match and that's basically what this is. Just another PPV.
AJ is getting a shot at the title even though he lost to Ricochet, so that's another thing that matches no f***ing sense. AJ just turned, but I don't think a loss will hurt him much since he's a heel and an established superstar. I don't see this match ending in traditional fashion, though. It will end by DQ and Ricochet will retain his title and the heels will probably get their heat by beating down Ricochet after the match like they did on Raw when AJ turned. Not much else to say about this. Their "real" match will probably be at SummerSlam.
Seth Rollins (c) and Becky Lynch (c) vs. Baron Corbin and Lacey Evans "Last Chance Winners Take All" mixed tag team Extreme Rules match for both the WWE Universal Championship and WWE Raw Women's Championship
Uhh.. Yeah. Call this match any gimmick title in the book and I don't care. This is a weak main event. Corbin and Lacey have both been beaten by Rollins and Lynch in singles match multiple times already and they get yet another f***ing title shot just because they came out and said mean things in a promo and Seth like a dumbass said that they could have any match they want... So if they lose their titles I guess we are getting a "trouble in paradise" potential break up story for Seth and Becky. Luckily for them, I'm picking the babyfaces to win.
After this match, I hope Seth and Beck go their separate ways on TV. Their pairing doesn't work on TV and is hurting both of them. Becky is coming off as soft and tame. Seth is coming off as The Man's bitch complete with her doing all the talking and the bulk of the fighting when a brawl breaks out. I know WWE is lacking with young viewers, but what young boy or teenage boy is going to want to cheer a guy like Seth? He went from Beast Slayer to a total geeky bitch who has only been over-exposed as being less over than his superstar girlfriend who gets more of a world-champion style reaction than he does as the actual world champion.
This match is full WCW. Seriously. The Universal Championship and the Raw Women's Championship on the line in a mixed tag. That's bullshit. So, pretty much Baron Corbin could be your world champion if Lacey pins Becky on a cheap roll-up. If that happens, they might as well burn both titles in the ring to start Raw the next night and have Corbin and Lacey shit on the ashes on live television.
There you have it. My preview and predictions for "Extreme" Rules. As of this writing, only 3 matches could be considered "extreme". I don't consider the handicap match one of them since its not no disqualifications. The triple threat tag is no-dq, but I doubt that match really gets that extreme since it's not being booked as a special match. It's just a triple threat. At least make it falls count anywhere or something. These are pretty weak extreme rules.
Of course, there is Brock Lesnar who Paul Heyman promised would be here to cash-in. It barely got a reaction on Raw because on at least 3 occasions the fans have been bait and switched on Brock cash-ins, plus, I'm not sure how many people are dying to see him hold a world title again. At this point, I bet he does not cash in.
I'll be back here on NoDQ.com with my review of this show and of course, will be live tweeting as it happens. Thanks for reading. Enjoy the show. Enjoy your weekend. God bless and take care.