Hello everyone. I hope you're doing well. I'm K. C., a/k/a the exception to the rule that "everyone has a purpose in life". This Sunday live from Houston, Texas out of the Toyota Center is the Elimination Chamber PPV. Here I will be previewing each match and where I think WWE is going story line wise and where they should go if they were smart because I'm an internet guy with a blog. They have to listen to me.
Buddy Murphy (c) vs. Akira Tozawa (Singles match for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship)
My pick is Buddy Murphy. Once again the c'weights are kicking things off in the pre-show as the fans get settled in. What else can I say? It'll probably be a good, athletic 10 minute match. You know the drill by now with this division.
Braun Strowman vs. Baron Corbin (No Disqualification match)
This was recently made no DQ by WWE because it hit them that a straight-up wrestling match between these two would be garbage. Of course I still like Strowman but this company has done him dirty. It's f***ing weird to me. This is World Wrestling Entertainment. They're supposed to be the masters of booking guys like Strowman and now they have this big, scary looking, unique guy in an era where he really stands out and... he's a JAG. For those who don't know JAG means "just another guy". Like pretty much everyone else now. Like even Becky Lynch is becoming dangerously close to being after having to apologize on live TV only to get f***ed over. This company sure likes geeking out their babyfaces, huh? No wonder no one f***ing gets over. Anyway, my pick is Strowman to win. Make it quick.
Bobby Lashley (c) and Lio Rush vs. Finn Bálor (Handicap match for the WWE Intercontinental Championship)
Yeah, a handicap match for the title. How retarded is this. I hate this shit. I also hated on Raw having to watch Finn Balor, a former world champion and part-time main event level babyface having to sell for Lashley's manager. Yes. I know he's a wrestler. I don't care. On TV he's a 5 foot tall manager that the entire roster mistakes for a child in promos. I hate it. There's plenty of wrestlers who were wrestlers whether retired or part-time active before who didn't get as much offense as Lio Rush did on Balor on Raw a couple weeks ago. It just goes to show how highly they think of Balor.
I'm picking the team of Lashley and Rush to win. I figure Balor will get the title at Wrestlemania. I don't know. Who cares. Why do it here?
Ronda Rousey (c) vs. Ruby Riott (Singles match for the WWE Raw Women's Championship)
Ronda is going to win. Charlotte is going to stare down with Ronda. Maybe Becky will run in to go wild on them.
The Miz and Shane McMahon (c) vs. The Usos (Tag team match for the WWE SmackDown Tag Team Championship)
Even before the Thursday arrest of Jimmy Uso I would have picked Miz and Shane to win here. I know it sounds silly, but it's silly enough that these two are even tag team champions. They're obviously doing some sort of angle with Miz and Shane for 'Mania so I think they keep the titles here for now. Before I would have figured some sort of goofy finish but look for Jimmy to perhaps eat the clean fall here.
Nia Jax and Tamina vs. The Riott Squad (Liv Morgan and Sarah Logan) vs. Mandy Rose and Sonya Deville vs. The IIconics vs. Bayley and Sasha Banks vs. Naomi and Carmella (Tag team Elimination Chamber match for the inaugural WWE Women's Tag Team Championship)
WWE first women's tag titles... at least in 30 years. Read back those names. Ouch. I'd be surprised if this match even goes beyond the 3 star level. But hey. You all wanted yet another title. This is what you get. They ain't putting Becky, Charlotte, Ronda or Asuka in this division. Not even to get it off the ground.
I think the first winners will be a babyface team and that will be Bayley and Sasha Banks. I also predict this match will suck ass. This is going to be a long half hour. If it's great, whatever. I'll eat my words in the review. This just looks ugly on paper, though and the Chamber is not going to help them at all.
Daniel Bryan (c) vs. AJ Styles vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Randy Orton vs. Samoa Joe vs. Kofi Kingston (Elimination Chamber match for the WWE Championship)
Kofi Kingston got a hell of a one-day push on Smackdown but he's not winning here. Daniel Bryan is. I hope Kofi has a good showing though since he pinned the champion and I hate it when WWE does that in non-title situations. We should want to see the heel lose. Not see it regularly only for him to still come out with a belt.
The match will probably come down to Bryan and AJ who I wouldn't be shocked to see get another singles match at Wrestlemania. Look, it's not going to be Kofi. I know many people just want something new just to have something new but you don't go from twerking and slinging pancakes to having a serious singles match for the WWE title at Wrestlemania. I hope they do SOMETHING with Kofi since they made him look so good on Smackdown, but you never know with this company. I'm not betting on it. The last time I remember Kofi Kingston getting a serious main event push was against Randy Orton in 2009. A decade ago! So hopefully him going over some of the brand's top stars was for more than just to put another body in this match. He could be a serious contender by SummerSlam if you're really looking for Kofi to get a WWE title run.
There's my preview and predictions for the 2019 WWE Elimination Chamber. Thank you all for reading. I really appreciate your continued support. Apparently February is self-care/self-love month. I don't know. That's what a friend told me. I take good care of myself, but I also hate myself so, I guess I go both ways. You think I'm joking, but I'm not. Whatever. You guys take good care of yourselves though. I need you to continue what shred I have of a false sense of worth on this planet.
Alrightee... Follow @PlanetKayfabe on Twitter. I'll be live-Tweeting the Chamber PPV along with having my review up right here on NoDQ the next day. Another trip around the sun... Let's get nuts. God bless and have a great weekend everyone