Planet Kayfabe: Cena/Bella Total Breakup
Submitted by Kayfabe Candyass on 04/17/2018 at 01:16 PM

Planet Kayfabe: Total Breakup

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By: 'KC' Paul Matthews | @PlanetKayfabe

Only love can break your heart. Hello everyone, I'm KC and this is Planet Kayfabe. Crank up your saddest 80's power ballad and let's get through this together. It's been an interesting couple of weeks with the hype of Wrestlemania over, the hype of the Greatest Royal Rumble beginning, WWE's on-and-off booking of Undertaker and Rusev's Casket Match and now apparently John Cena and Nikki Bella have ended their 6 year relationship 1 year after they officially became engaged and about a month before they were set to be wed on May 5.

I'm sure you remember how they became engaged in the first place. This whole elaborate angle was set up on TV pitting The Miz and Maryse (actual married couple) against John Cena and Nikki Bella who on their E! Network Series "Total Bellas" and "Total Divas" made it clear that she wants to settle down with a family a kids and John has no interest in re-marrying or having children. The Miz and Maryse played with this real life situation and cut some memorable promos, the most memorable being their "Total Bella Bull S***" segments where Miz and Maryse portrayed Cena and Nikki in a negative way. "Cena" being a structured tight ass who would feign engage to her before swerving into another topic. "Nikki" being the constant pestering lover openly acknowledging she is using Cena to further her career and want to get married to solidify their union and solidify her status as being really f***ing rich... to which Miz would mock their relationship as being a plastic effort to get ratings...

...boy did that angle age well.

In a statement on their break up, Nikki Bella released the following: "While this decision was a difficult one, we continue to have a great deal of love and respect for one another," she continued, "We ask that you respect our privacy during this time in our lives."

Well, doesn't that tug at your heart strings. The split came as a shock to some but apparently John Cena, who will be 41 next week, has not quite changed his stance on re-marrying and there was probably some push by network producers to get them married, just like how the conspiracy theorist in me thinks that the whole engagement was pushed on them either by Total Bellas or the WWE or both. Nikki Bella, while certainly not old, is 34 and wants to start a family now that her wrestling career has winded down much like her twin sister, Brie, has with Daniel Bryan.

I can respect their privacy, but to a point. They got engaged in front of tens of thousands of people and about a million or so more at home watching and have sapped their relationship drama for ratings, so they haven't shown much respect for their own privacy when it came to making a buck off their love life so, I have thoughts to share about all this. Assuming the engagement was just forced on for the cameras, I feel bad for Nikki since that's what she wanted and I doubt she will ever get an engagement like that ever again. At the WWE's biggest event John Cena got down on one knee and whipped out a rock the size of Braun Strowman and she ran for that Bad Larry right quick. One short year later, this rather good moment for them and WWE is pretty much spoiled by their break up.

While John Cena is in his 40's now, he seems to have a fun time being John Cena. A rich, famous guy with a big house and a lot of cars. He's also trying to get a movie career off the ground and share in some of the success The Rock and Batista have had. He's still a busy guy and even if he wanted children, I'm sure he doesn't see where it would fit in his life. However, John Cena is a man. He can have kids when he's f***ing 60 if he wants. Nikki Bella is 34 and looks at having children very differently than John or any man does.

Like I said before 34 isn't old, but in biological clock years, 34 is an age when most women who have motherly instincts start to hear that clock ticking louder and louder in their heads. When Nikki first got with John, she was 28 years old and probably assumed that by the time she was in her mid-30's like she is now she would already have a husband and at least one child to mother. When they got together John Cena was 34, the age Nikki is right now and I doubt he was thinking about raising children AT ALL. See the difference? Unlike John, Nikki can't just have kids whenever she wants. It's almost now or never and if she wanted another 6 years with John she would be 40 where pregnancies can be more high risk and... who wants to be in their mid-forties chasing young children around? I'm sure these are all private conversations the two have had and even though I'm sure Nikki enjoys the lifestyle of being with a guy like John Cena perhaps she is thinking of something bigger and wants to be with someone that can give her more than just a huge house and 300 cars or whatever the hell he's got.

There's no real side to take. If Nikki realized that John was never going to be the guy to give her a family, then good on her for leaving while she's still young enough to find the right guy, settle down with him and start a family of her own. John on the other hand, shouldn't have his hand forced in a direction that he's uncomfortable with. Despite all the funny Miz segments these two probably really did love each other. I mean, whatever... The point is even though they were/are in love their hearts can't pump the opposite way. They both want something else. She wants something so simple that seems to be the one thing he has no interest in providing. Given what we know, neither is wrong which makes this whole break up story kind of boring to be honest.

So, why do people care? Because this relationship was made our business. They made it our business and the WWE made it our business. Remember all that crap about respecting privacy? I'm sorry Nikki but people break up every day. Famous or not. They come and go and no one gives two flying rat's shits about it because they haven't publicly milked and exploited their relationship in front of cameras for years just to make a good buck and raise your own celebrity profile. I found out just last night that Collin Cassady and Carmella apparently broke up during NoDQ Live with Aaron Rift. That happened and no one cared -- why? Because their relationship was private (ish). It wasn't entirely made about us like John and Nikki's relationship was complete with a spin-off and a huge Wrestlemania angle with a fake proposal. For better or for worse John Cena and Nikki Bella traded their privacy for added fame and fortune so it's hard for me to feel empathy in the end of their relationship. All that said, I'm sure both of them will land on their feet just fine. I'm sure Cena will have no problem finding some new piece of hot arm candy to trot in front of cameras before award shows with and if Nikki is looking for a future husband for her to bear children for, I'm sure she also will have no problem finding a decent guy who makes a damn good living that has a slower lifestyle than Cena's that will have no problem granting that. Trust me, for those of you that have been going through box after box of Kleenex all week I have a feeling both of these two will have no problem landing on their feet and getting what they truly want out of life now that Nikki is in her mid-30's and ready to settle down and John Cena is in his early 40's and happy being a free, unshackled multi-millionaire who dresses like an 8 year-old.


Alright, well, it's a dirty job but someone had to do it. There's my thoughts on the John Cena/Nikki Bella situation.

If you have a question or comment or idea for a future column, follow me @PlanetKayfabe or leave a comment below and share your thoughts on this story.

Thanks for reading, everyone. I'll be back with my thoughts on the Superstar Shakeup which concludes tonight on Smackdown Live. Until then, I'm your 'KC' Masterpiece Paul Matthews for NoDQ. Take care everyone. We will get through this pain together.

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