He was a hard-headed man he was brutally handsome -- And she was terminally pretty. She held him up... da da da da... something. Whatever you know the rest. Welcome to Planet Kayfabe. Life in the "Fastlane" (that's one word if you're WWE, 2 words if you're the Eagles) this Sunday and this is my preview. Okay, enough intro banter let's just get into it.
Becky Lynch and Naomi vs. Natalya and Carmella (Tag team match)
A simple tag match that could really go either way. When in doubt I'm just going to pick the babyface side. There's not much to say about this match. Here I listed it first because on both WWE's website and on Wikipedia it is listed at the bottom (which would mean it's going on first) but I see this match being midcard filler. Nothing bad. Nothing spectacular.
Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Rusev w/ Aiden English (Singles match)
Another match that seems kind of thrown together last minute. Shinsuke is the Royal Rumble winner. He is going for the WWE Championship at Wrestlemania. Here is just a filler match to keep his momentum going. A clean finish. Maybe it goes 10-15 minutes. Considering "Rusev Day" is a fun sing-along for the crowd, I don't think I would have chose Rusev to be Shinsuke's opponent. It'll be a fine enough match, but for Shin, I don't think he should be in this type of filler match against a guy who could quite possibly pop 50% of the crowd on his side.
Charlotte Flair (c) vs. Ruby Riott w/ Liv Morgan and Sarah Logan (Singles match for the WWE SmackDown Women's Championship)
I'm not about to deviate from the status quo here. Of course Charlotte is retaining. I'm think Asuka will pick Charlotte as her opponent for Wrestlemania after this PPV. I'm curious to see how the match will go. I don't really have any great expectations because while I'm sure Ruby wants to have a great showing I'm not sure if Charlotte is going to be motivated to bust out her usually high risk offense and big spots for a filler PPV that no one will remember. I'm not saying Charlotte is going to simple walk through the match, I'm just saying I'm not expecting anything spectacular that brings this match anywhere close to a 4 star level. I'm sure you're going to see a lot of the usual cliches. Morgan and Logan will get involved but it wont be enough. Charlotte wins clean and stays strong going into Wrestlemania.
Bobby Roode (c) vs. Randy Orton (Singles match for the WWE United States Championship)
This is where I change course a bit. I'm actually picking Randy Orton to win the US title. It may seem pointless. It may seem like an odd time. Sure... but I don't think WWE takes this title seriously enough to care and I don't think Bobby Roode has been that great with the title and on top of that I don't think he's been that great on the main roster as a babyface. He's totally miscast. The "Glorious" gimmick is classic heel by numbers.
So, there. Going out on a limb because the more likely choices are either Roode retains or that Jinder Mahal gets involved and the match gets thrown out. I can still see him getting involved where the match isn't thrown out either. Like his music hits, Roode gets distracted and then eats an RKO for the pin fall and then there will probably be a Triple Threat for the title at WrestleMania with Jinder claiming Orton is only champion because of him.
The Usos (c) vs. The New Day (Tag team match for the WWE SmackDown Tag Team Championship)
I'm not expecting another title change. I'm not sure how this will end but I'm saying the Uso's retain. If it were me booking this, I'd have the match get a little chippy and dirty and as time goes on all the guys rush in, brawl and the match gets thrown out. After the match they brawl for another 7 or so minutes to really heat up this feud again. What's next? They face off at Wrestlemania. So my prediction is no finish. The match is thrown out.
AJ Styles (c) vs. John Cena vs. Kevin Owens vs. Sami Zayn vs. Baron Corbin vs. Dolph Ziggler (Six-Pack challenge for the WWE Championship)
If you're not following me on Twitter you missed out on a good old fashion John Cena rant last week. One of my biggest pet peeves in WWE's booking is occasions like this where they have the f***ing title holder lose CLEAN in a non title match for the other guy to become a contender for the title. Of course that guy is John Cena who waltzes in with that shit eating grin on his face on every show because he's a "free agent" (which makes no sense if you know what free agent means in real sports, but whatever) and after failing on Raw he says "f***, guess I'll try Smackdown" and in one night he is given a match with the defending world champion on TV for a spot on the PPV.
God damn f*** me running... This is the kind of shit that gave me migraines in 2009. That typical Super Cena Ceiling bullshit I remember all too well. There was NO reason to book AJ in this situation to lose 2 weeks before a PPV, 6 weeks before Wrestlemania, clean, on free television to f***ing John Cena. They could have had Cena beat ANYONE else to get a spot on the card, but instead they have him pin the champion clean in the middle 1 -2 - 3.
Because they're either idiots or they don't care if their world champion and their world title looks inferior to 40 year old free agent John Cena.
Whatever. It's 2018 not 2009 and I'm still talking about this shit. I can already f***ing tell I'm going to hate "part timer/show up for a Wrestlemania pay day every year" John Cena more than I ever hated full-time Super Cena.
Anyway... Never-the-less... I'm picking AJ to win. I'm guessing he pins Cena (because yay 50-50 woo!) and after the match a dejected Cena is then confronted with The Undertaker. So yeah, NostalgiaMania will run wild as it has been throughout the 2010's.
There's my predictions for WWE Fastlane of 2018. Leave your thoughts in the comments section below and follow me on Twitter @PlanetKayfabe. Thanks for reading, everyone. See you with my review.