NoDQ.com > Columns > ViRTUE's RAGE: WWE FastLane Review
Posted by ViRTUE on 03/06/2017 at 10:39 PM

March 6, 2017

Twitter: @EGW_FOW_Virtue

WWE FastLane Review

For my WWE FastLane Preview & Predictions: Click Here

Here we go with my Monday Night Raw, oops, I mean FastLane Review. It definitely felt like an episode of Raw though. This is going to be a brutal one for me to get through, as there ended up being nine matches and one ridiculous New Day segment. FYI, my preview and predictions did not include 2 of the 9 matches as noted below. Regarding who won or lost, I ended up getting 5/7 correct just like last year’s FastLane. Some of the finishes were different, but what do you expect? WWE can be very bland sometimes…

Pre-Show: This was just a match with a bunch of Cruiserweights. Moving on…


Samoa Joe Vs Sami Zayn: This match was expected to be decent because of the wrestlers involved, but I just don’t think it had any proper build to make it meaningful. One of WWE’s biggest problems on smaller PPVs like this is throwing matches together without the proper build. Nonetheless, I did enjoy this match. Zayn put up a fight against Joe, but in the end, Joe locked on the Coquina Clutch to score the submission victory over Zayn. My pick was Joe to win by DQ (Rollins) Match Grade = B

Raw Tag Team Championship: Enzo & Big Cass Vs Karl Anderson & Luke Gallows- As always, Enzo and Cass nailed their pre-match promo as the live crowd mimicked along. I nailed this prediction as Anderson/Gallows defeated Enzo/Cass by pinfall to Enzo. Anderson kicked Enzo in the face and pinned him, even though Enzo had his foot on the rope in which Gallows quickly pushed it off so the referee didn’t see it. Winners and still Raw Tag Team Champions, the Bullet Club!? Match Grade = B-

Sasha Banks Vs Nia Jax: For some reason, I just felt that Sasha was going to win this match. I figured if she did, it would be by count out, kind of like what happened with Sami Zayn and Braun Strowman awhile back. Well, WWE booking actually made Sasha pin Nia Jax via a rollup. I have to admit, that was actually a bit surprising that the fall happened that way. Match Grade = C+

Jinder Mahal Vs Cesaro w/Sheamus: Two filler matches randomly inserted into the middle of this PPV blatantly pointed out a glaring scenario for later on, a Goldberg squash match. I do enjoy watching Cesaro wrestle, but it pains me to see it in a meaningless match like this one. After landing an uppercut, Cesaro picked up the pinfall victory. After the match, Rusev and Mahal continued their little spat. Meh. Match Grade = C++ (no prediction)

Big Show Vs Rusev w/Lana: Well, so much for Rusev ever being a major player in WWE. He got annihilated by three Chokeslams and a Knockout Punch from the Big Show who scored the pinfall victory. Match Grade = C+ (no prediction)

Cruiserweight Championship: Jack GallagHER Vs Neville- Well, Neville is probably the only WWE Cruiserweight on the main roster that I really like. Of course, I am intrigued to see what happens with Austin Aries when he is finally healthy. Look, I get the whole Jack Gallagher gimmick. He’s the Colt Cabana of England. I actually like Colt Cabana, but Gallagher is just not my cup of tea and crumpets. My prediction for this match was Neville over Gallagher via pinfall, and that is exactly what happened after Neville landed the Red Arrow. Decent match. Match Grade = B

New Day segment: Ice cream? When the f*** did we get ice cream (The Ringer)? This was bad and I dread what the New Day has in store as hosts of WrestleMania 33! Grade = D

Roman Reigns Vs Braun Strowman: Attention everyone!!!!! Crucify me now because I actually freakin’ enjoyed this match more than I thought I would. There was nothing awful about it, and if you think so then shame on you. But hey, everyone is entitled to their opinion. I picked Strowman to win by pinfall after a spook by the Undertaker to Reigns (that might have made me give it an A-). However, I know better than to pick against the GUY and the Roman Empire. After these two destroyed each other, Reigns ended up landing a spear and defeated Strowman via pinfall. Strowman has proved himself big time against Big Show and Reigns in recent weeks. Match Grade = B++

Raw Women’s Championship: Charlotte Vs Bayley- I thought for sure Charlotte was going to win the title back in this match and remain undefeated at PPVs. The finish of this match with interference from Sasha was absolutely ridiculous and booked very poorly, in my opinion. Hey everyone, Bayley is a cheater and takes short cuts now. What an encouraging role model for the children. In the end, after some Sasha distraction, Bayley landed the Bayley to Belly on Charlotte for the pinfall to retain the title. Match Grade = C++

Universal Championship: Goldberg Vs Kevin Owens- I should have known Lesnar would not be on this PPV. Also, I should have known that Goldberg wouldn’t work a normal match. As for Jericho, he got healed up pretty quickly. Oh well. I did predict that Goldberg would win and become the new Universal Champion heading into WM33 against Lesnar. That is the big money maker in WWE’s eyes. I applaud Kevin Owens for his early stall tactics to make it seem like the entire segment went longer than just a squash match. Finally, Owens told the referee to start the match and ring the bell. Almost simultaneously, Jericho’s music hit and distracted Owens. This allowed Goldberg to then Spear and Jackhammer Owens to score the pinfall and become the new Universal Champion in about 22 seconds. That’s right, even Oldberg needs assistance in a title match. I won’t shit on this match too hard, though. Match (segment) Grade = C++

Overall FastLane Grade = C++, probably because I’m generous with a whacky grading scale

Twitter: @EGW_FOW_Virtue

PPV Grades for 2017

NXT TakeOver: San Antonio = B++
WWE Royal Rumble = B
WWE Elimination Chamber = B
WWE FastLane = C++

Grading Scale (16 point system): As an example, a
B++ is equivalent to 12/16 or a 3.75/5, 7.5/10


Stay tuned for the CWC, returning soon…
Clueless Wrestling Columnist Episode 5

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