NoDQ.com > Columns > Third Degree Byrnes - This week in 'Rasslin Posted by David Byrnes on 11/10/2009 at 02:22 PM
It's that time of the week when this writer, and a damn handsome one at that, takes you down the murky lane that is the WWE. So, without any witty remarks let us thrust into that murky lane and see what we catch....oh. So, for some reason WWE decided it was 2001 and had Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne host Raw last week....and it was God awful. Some people just shouldn't be allowed on live television and this tired old act of "SHAAAAAAROOOON" has been trudged through the mud so many time's that I find myself just switching off. Cringey, fake, self promoting and obnoxious...no not the Hulkster, Sharon Osbourne. Is there actually anyone left on the face of the planet that like's her act, and thats exactly what it is... an act, poorly executed. As for Ozzy, well I'm going to take it easy on a man that is married to Sharon Osbourne, although his "hurr, Imma orf mah face" act is nearly as tiresome as his wife's sagged...arms.
But, that was last week and we must move onto The Hitman, The Pride of Hyde, The Most Electr...wait,sorry, I was thinking of Ricky Hatton in opposite land where he is entertaining and is 6"2. To be honest, I don't know why they promoted a Manchester boxer (who prides himself on being from Manchester) in Sheffield. Actually, when I'm on about the WWE's ignorant ways....a black LONDON cab, a red LONDON phone box...in SHEFFIELD. The hell like?! You might as well have the Statute of Liberty on the top of the ramp in, for arguements sake, Miami. It made that much sense. But, back to Hatton. The WWE must have seriously thought that all boxers are great talkers, well...no, they are not! Hatton was lost in the ring, as wooden as Pinnochio and as interesting as Linda McMahon. I felt sorry for him to be honest, I always liked him...AS A BOXER! The second Hatton stepped out, my heart sank. The man has a bigger beer belly than Roddy Piper, and that is indeed a mighty achievement in itself. It's a shame really, Hatton needed this to promote his Health & Fitness centre and more finicially important, he actually needed to promote his promotion, something in which he did in a half arsed attempt.
So, onto the actual product that is Raw. As I've said in the previous week's...I'm getting a wee bit frustrated with the WWE product and Raw, to me, is on it's arse. It's the same old routine of;
Guest Host
Match
Guest Host w/ Santino in a 'hilarious' segment
Match
Guest Host w/ the Cardboard Cutouts (Bella Twins that is)
Match
Jeri-show
The usual B.S prom...propaganda of how amazing the WWE is
D-X
Orton doing his 'bad guy from Terminator 2' routine
FIN
OK, so I've skipped over a few minor details but essentially, that is Raw week in and week out and by the hammer of Thor it's getting stale. Smackdown, however, continues to strive. It actually takes the time and patience to push it's younger stars and thanks to that Smackdown has become 'Thee' show in my opinion. John Morrison, Billy Dolph Gunn Ziggler, CM Punk, Cryme Tyme, the list goes on and on. I was never keen on Smackdown once the Brand Extension came into place but it has at times been absolutely amazing...so, forgive me for being pessimisstic but I'am looking around the corner to when the WWE lose's interest and the annual Smackdown decline begins. Speaking of the younger/new wrestler's that have come into place, here's my opinion on two from my side of the pond:
Drew McIntyre (The fake Scot)
Now, if this guy is Scottish, well then, I'm a Patagonian. The guy has clearly been sat down infront of a TV, given a Billy Connolly DVD and told "copy that voice". Firstly, no-one except women have long hair in Scotland. Yes, I'm well aware men can have long hair too...but the Scot's are a different breed to you American's Second, he's got a tan. He may be working for the WWE in sunny U.S of A, but if he were a real Scot he'd be as red as a Catholic school boy's arse.
Sheamus (So white he's see-through)
Well, I had to say it. Being Irish, I must say it's nice to see one of our kind do the business (I don't include Finley as he's from Northern Ireland...in b4 racist Mick). But at the same time, it is somewhat cringey. Well, unlike McIntyre he is actually Irish (red hair, so white he's almost see through, and a big thicko accent). If they're serious in pushing him, and it would seem so as Triple H gave him a glowing review in Powerslam, they have to STOP the squash matches as no-one pays money to watch a three minute match. Also, actually pick one his move's as his finisher and use it instead of three big moves one after the other.
I was lucky enough to attend the WWE Raw DX Invasion Tour in Dublin last week, and yes, I did cheer like a little girl. This, being in Dublin, mean that nearly every wrestler on the roster got a huge pop. Surprisingly, Mark Henry was super over with the crowd...why, I ask, dear God why?! As were Hornswoggle, MVP, DX (obviously), Cena and Randy Orton. To be fair during the (spoiler) Jack Swagger v John Cena match, there was a nice mix of young vs old in the crowd. All the kid's screamed for their bastard idol Cena, whereas I and several other people in their mid 20s who should know better cheered for Swagger (who has an enormous head by the way). The Miz and DX were the strongest on the mics and, quite clearly, Sheamus was the weakest with his "me name is Sheamus, and I'm gonna batter ye". All in all, a good show however the divas match was dragged on for much too long.
Highlights:
DX
Randy Orton
Jack Swagger (who doesn't love that entrance!?)
My mate nicking a kids popcorn
Melina (jaws were dropped)
Lowlights
Kids EVERYWHERE
Divas Match
The price of a pint
That about does it for this week in 'Third Degree Byrnes'. Apologies for the lack of content but I've been up and down like a yo-yo to Dublin and back for funeral arrangements. Finger's crossed for Piper on Raw next week, clueless loon will need all the help he can get. As for Smackdown, ket the good times continue...please God let them continue!
For those of you who wish to follow me on Twitter, its 'Barn85'...it's a slow start but I promise I'll be on it more often!
NOTE: Turns out Drew McIntyre is Scottish...the arse.
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