NoDQ.com > Columns > Third Degree Byrnes - The Byrnes Victims Posted by David Byrnes on 11/03/2009 at 06:45 AM
It's that time of the week when this disheartened fan takes a gander at what the WWE has been at and poke hole's in the entire thing. This week, I decided to take it upon myself to let you the reader have an insight into my pet peeves. To be honest, I do hark on alot about small things but it's the small thing's that really get me when it come's to the WWE. It's Kofi Kingston going from wrestling attire to street clothes to wrestling attire in the space of half an hour. It's Teddy Long, being Teddy Long. It's The Undertaker of 2009, acting like The Undertaker of 1994. All of those are minor, however, when it come's to the following. So, dear reader, I give to you...
The Byrnes Victims
Dolph Ziggler:
To be honest, I was shocked at how fit Billy Gunn has managed to keep himself. I mean really, this guy was half of one of the greatest tag team's during the WWF Attitude Era plus he....oh,wait....that's NOT Mr.Ass?! You see, I say that because that is EXACTLY what Dolph Ziggler is. He is Billy Gunn mk.2. Now, I'm not blaming the guy for his look, I'm blaming the WWE. Anyone who has grown up watching the WWE from anytime during the 90's and early 00's can see that Mr. Ziggles (LAWL,JOHN MORRISON IS HILARIOUS AMIRITE) is a carbon copy of 'The Ass Man'. His hair, his trunks, his lack of charisma and even the style of his boots are the exact same. How WWE hasn't spotted this is a mystery to me but it drive's me absolutely up the wall. It's laziness, lack of creativity and a slap in the face of all wrestling fan's. Now, this may seem like an odd rant but it's my column and you're still reading so, well there! For you younger fan's I suggest that you either Google or Youtube Billy Gunn, or if you have ever successfully managed to sit through an episode of Impact! (I know that would be an extreme case and may cause one to lose all sense of dignity) but you'll understand where I'm coming from here.
Hulk Hogan to TNA:
Yes I know, it's been done to death, all over the internet and TNA but I have to get my two cents on this. Hogan to TNA. Many people have dropped dead at this announcement, many cannot believe that the 'loyal' Hogan would dare join TNA over WWE. Well, congratulations and welcome to the world of wrestling. I'd like you to meet Hulk Hogan, who is so self obsessed that if he physically could...he would make love to himself, and probably refuse to...well, let's say 'sell'. Having grown up watching Hogan (when he was in the WWF that is), I'm kind of well...meh, to the whole Hogan hopping into bed with TNA. I was never really fussed with The Hulkster growing up, I preferred Yokozuna, 'Taker, Bret Hart, Big Bossman over the punch, kick, legdrop, wavey hand ear thing Hogan. Plus, as good ol' J.R said "Hogan is the greatest self promoter in the business" and that bhe most certainly is. The man has no sense of loyality and constantly craves the limelight. Now, Hogans reasoning (apart from power, money and the main event spot) was because Vince wanted to put Hogan out to pasture. Well, duh brother! The man isn't exactly young, agile and is injury prone (when it suits him). All this coming from a man who WWE were preparing ANOTHER DVD boxset collection. Now, in all fairness and could hark on and on about this but fact is, it's been done. Everyone's had there say and everyone know's the detail's. But I will say this, the situation is similiar to a coin. Theres two side's and for TNA there will be two outcome's. It will either work out for them, or set them back 6 year's. There won't be any in between here, and if I were a betting man I'd say that was a safe bet.
Linda McMahon Election Campaign:
Politics, it tends to attract the people that crave to be the centre of attention. The greatest politicians tend to be the showmen, the people that can entertain, quick witted and can relate to the people. Bill Clinton, Charlie Haughey, Barack Obama, Tony Blair. All these men won power through being energetic. So, it would make sense that Linda McMahon would enter the world of politics, right?No. God no. What the hell is she thinking no. Linda McMahon, dull as dish water, as interesting as watching paint dry, couldn't sell beer to an alcoholic...the list goes on. I honestly don't understand why she would put herself up for the tirade of abuse she is going to receive and that now, more so than ever, the WWE is going to be under a very big magnascope. Shes not even campaigning in the right area! It's a real head scratcher and one that has me speechless...and that doesn't happen too often. So, here it is. It's a mistake, it's only going to cause the WWE a huge headache and she is going to fail quicker than the XFL. At least, I hope she is going to fail...or else WWE PG could be here for good.
D-Generation X:
If you're going to do something, do it right. Everyone know's that saying, everyone should try living by it. Now, I'm not going to do a 'holier than thou' routine, that act is saved for HBK. But I do think that this installment of PG DX needs to be tied in a sack and chucked into the river. Watching DX of today, after having watched in awe of them back in the late 90's, is like watching The Simpson's back in the 90's compared to today. Basically, today's version is unfunny, lazy and old. DX's routine today consists of hogging more merchandise than John Cena , John Cena by the way is clearly WWE's walking, talking, bad punching manikin...so there hogging ALOT of merchandise. It's the same routine week in week out, the same poor man's version of Mick Foley's 'cheap pop' and the same tired 'insider' jokes which usually consist of 'lol, you're married to Stephanie' and 'lol, I used to be a drug addict'. The nWo used to get stick about how they acted young when they were actually old, banged up main eventer's who didn't know when to quit...sounds very similiar to DX when you say it doesn't it?
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