NoDQ.com > Columns > RD: Recap of "I'm A Celebrity!..." FINAL!!! Posted by Raging Demons on 06/29/2009 at 06:35 AM
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Previously on "I'm A Celebrity! Get Me Out Of Here!" Well your going to have to read the previous column to find out what happened. (RD: Also. If you want to go through the entire season of the show just keep clicking on the Previously Link and you'll be all the way back to the first episode. And if you happen to do that. Your a stronger man than I am.)
Opening Credits of Doom! (RD: The final time I'm going to see those helicopters carrying those bling letters. Goodbye helicopters, so long overly graphic credits. I'll miss you like I'll miss a Chris Masters match.)
For the final time in the beginning we see our hosts Damien & Myleene. The hosts it has been a long time (RD: And hell for me.) that the Celebrities endured so much mostly on a diet of rice and beans to survive but only one will win the title of "King/Queen Of The Jungle". The losers are back as well and we will see them later tonight. But first. A quick recap (RD: Hey! That's my job!) on the whole trip.
Video package of the entire show so far. (RD: Which all of you can do by checking out the previous recaps.) Let's see The Pratts spaz out one more time. Let's see The Pratts run like hell away from the show. Let's see Spencer get his "baptismal". Let's see The Pratts bailing once again for an "ulcer". (RD: An ulcer! Pfft.) Let's see the teams split into the dominant men and thoroughly beaten women's teams. Let's see Daniel Baldwin enter camp. Let's see Angela eliminated from the show with Fran quitting soon after. Let's see Holly Montag enter camp and the "showmance" between Holly & Sanjaya. Let's see Holly telling Sanjaya to "just close your eyes". (RD: Hrm...Maybe if Sanjaya did "Just Close His Eyes" his life, a naked truth will be revealed. Dreams you never lived and scars will be healed? Just sayin'.) Let's see Janice Dickinson play the jungle version of "1 VS 100". Let's see some Celebrities cry! Let's see some Celebrities get eliminated and Stephen Baldwin run like a sack less wuss. Let's see that "America" has chosen Lou, Torrie, & Salley as the finalists. Let's see who's going to win this. (RD: Let's see the end of this show!)
Back to the hosts. They recap about that later tonight we will find out who will win the show. Quick shot over to the camp where we see Lou, Torrie, & Salley while Damien mentions all of the positive things they have done in the jungle. But now we are going to see how did Lou, Torrie, & Salley found out they were the finalists.
Back at camp just before the Double eliminations happened and Sanjaya & Mrs. Blago were still in camp. Lou mentioned in confession that the whole camp does care for one another. Damien comes into camp telling Torrie she's safe, in confession Torrie thought she was going home. Damien then tells Lou that he's safe, while in confession Lou felt his heart drop & butterflies in his stomach and once he heard he was safe that meant that someone was close to going home. When Damien said that Sanjaya was eliminated. In confession Torrie though Sanjaya would be in the finals, Lou was surprised over Sanjaya's elimination, and Salley gave Sanjaya lots of respect. The camp saw Sanjaya leave camp and talk how surprising his elimination was thinking that Sanjaya was the one to beat. When Damien came back into camp to say Mrs. Blago was eliminated. In confession Salley's heart was broken because he's going to miss his best friend. While at camp Lou & Salley want to take Torrie down. (RD: If Dawn Marie tried and failed, what makes you think you two have a chance?) Torrie is dancing in camp & in confession that she's in the finals. The remaining camp members came together for a group hug. Lou says in confession the ones that are in the finals were the ones that were strong enough and he's very proud to be in the finals. While in camp Lou mentions that there's a Food Trial coming up. (RD: Eh? No scroll?) In confession Salley compares this to his time in the NBA finals. (RD: Really?!?)
Commercial Break 1
Back to the hosts as they introduce to us the losers. Everybody is there except for Frangela. (RD: Oh come on! They couldn't yank them out of "Best Week Ever" just to do a little meet and greet? FEH!) Myleene talks to The Pratts first and Heidi seems to be better. Heidi says she is a lot better now, no more throwing up, as long as she stays out of the jungle. (RD: Hrm...Ulcers are caused by stress. The Pratts leave the jungle, a major cause of stress for the both of them since they were acting like idiots. Once they leave Costa Rica somehow she gets "better". Just noticing something that's all.) Myleene wants to put Heidi back in the jungle but Heidi says no. (RD: Just make Heidi poor, that'll work. Else she will have to strip for her money.) Spencer said he keeps calling wanting to go back in the jungle. (RD: Oh please! TMZ caught him in a lie when he came back. Spencer was SO thrilled when he left. What a disingenuous douchebag!) Damien shows a video package of Spencer Pratt's greatest hits to the losers. Damien asked what was going on in Spencer's (RD: Oh so my words here!) "pea-sized brain" of his. Spencer said he didn't know how he was going to act when he was in the jungle. (RD: I dedicate this to PG. *fruity eyeroll*) Spencer goes all peacemaker saying that all of the other Celebrities have "increased his popularity". (RD: Oh brother.) Myleene talks to Stephen to get his comments on what Spencer said. Stephen said that Spencer is a new man, has a new faith, new to the jungle, and he hopes that The Pratts will have a good life. (RD: I'm not going to bother saying anything about this.) Damien goes to Janice saying she looks good tonight, Janice (RD: As usual.) goes all snarky saying that Damien called her a "psychopath". (RD: That may be me. I think?) Damien comments that Janice has had her troubles including being sick so we get to see a video package of Janice Dickinson's greatest hits. Myleene basically asks Janice "What The Hell?!?" (RD: Trademark Infringement!) Janice blames the immunization shots she received for getting sick. (RD: Immunization shots? Really?!?) Myleene compliments Janice for wearing her heart on her sleeve. Damien goes to Daniel asking what he thinks of Janice. Daniel says he's thinking "JFK". (RD: So Daniel Baldwin wants Lee Harvey Oswald to kill Janice? Um...Daniel. Oswald's dead.) Myleene thank the losers for coming back to the show and later on the hosts will take the losers back to camp. But first. Looks like Lou, Torrie, and Salley are going to a "Jungle Spa".
The finalists arrive at the "Jungle Spa" where the hosts are waiting for them. The "Jungle Spa" is actually the finalists Final Food Trial. The Food Trial reward is their favorite meals. Here's how the Final Food Trial works: There are six stations spread out all over the area, each of the finalists will visit two of them, and each station has two Stars, the more stars they collect the more food they will eat.
The Final Food Trial begins. Torrie will be first and heading over the "Scare Wash" which is shampoo basin filled with cockroaches, and the two Stars are located in the basin, Torrie has :30 seconds to get the two Stars. Torrie begins the "Scare Wash". Torrie is freaking out over the cockroaches crawling over her. Torrie said they are biting her as she get the first Star. The bigger cockroaches are coming out and they are all over Torrie's face. (RD: Ick!) Torrie managed to get the second Star screaming along the way to complete the "Scare Wash". Torrie gets up to try and remove the cockroaches out of her hair and a couple that won't let go of her face. (RD: Oh that just gave me the shivers a little bit.) Next up is Salley & the "Frightening Facial". (RD: Sounds like the name of a horror porn.) Salley has :30 seconds to put his face in a container filled with Cheese Fruit a.k.a. the "Vomit Fruit" (RD: Yummy!) where he must get his two Stars by using his mouth. Salley begins the "Frightening Facial". Salley immediately got that first Star out. Clock is ticking down real fast and Salley couldn't find it in that container of "Vomit Fruit". Then at :09 seconds Salley manages to find the second Star to complete the "Frightening Facial". Lou is next & the "Menacing Manicure". Lou has :30 seconds to put his hands in two containers, one that contains toads, another that contains spiders, each container has a Star, Lou must put his hands in both containers to get both Star. The "Menacing Manicure" begins. Lou puts his hand in the container with the toads, he's having a little problem because the toads are moving around blocking the Star until he grabs it. With :15 seconds left Lou goes for the container with the spiders. Lou easily grabs the second Star to finish the "Menacing Manicure". Next up is Torrie & the "Hot Tub Of Trouble". (RD: Sounds like an 80's porn.) Torrie is about to enter the hot tub when she discovered that it contains baby crocodiles!
Commercial Break 2
Back to the Final Food Trial when Torrie is about to enter the "Hot Tub Of Trouble" when she sees the baby crocodiles. Torrie has :30 seconds to enter the hot tub and get the two Stars that are in it. The "Hot Tub Of Trouble" begins. Torrie asks the baby crocodiles politely to move out of her way, and the baby crocodiles respond to her! The baby crocodiles move away from Torrie as she gets her two Stars easily. Torrie thanks the baby crocodiles by picking up one of them and kissing it. (RD: Kinda sexy and yet creepy at the same time.) In confession Torrie admits that the baby crocodiles were friendly and she wants to take one home as a pet. (RD: Bad Idea!!!) Next is Salley and the "SSSauna". Salley must enter a sauna-like box where it contains snakes (RD: "I'm Sick & Tired Of These Mother Lovin' Snakes on this Monday To Friday Plane!"), Salley has :30 seconds to navigate the two Stars to the red marker. The "SSSauna" begins. Salley moves the first Star but a little snake is blocking the path. Salley picks up the little snake and places it on the ground, Salley removes some more snakes on the first Star's path to navigate the first Star to its red marker. With :12 seconds left Salley quickly navigates the second Star, removing another snake off its path, to navigate it to its red marker and finish the "SSSauna". Finally it's Lou & "The Jungle Spray Tan". Lou must get in the Spray Tan-ish machine where he has :30 seconds to ordeal being sprayed by "jungle slime" and locate his two Stars. "The Jungle Spray Tan" stars. Lou is rotated in the Spray Tan-sh machine like if he's a roast chicken at a grocery store rotisserie. He pulls down the handles he was holding in the Spray Tan machine to reveal a Star with a chain attached to it. Lou grabs the Star to pull on the chain that reveals another Star & Lou getting covered with meal worms. Lou finishes "The Jungle Spray Tan" & all the finalists collected all the Stars so they are going to eat a lot of their favorite foods tonight. The finalists leave the "Jungle Spa". Salley wants Lou, who is covered in "jungle slime" & meal worms, to hug Myleene. Lou tries to hug Myleene but the hosts ran like hell!
Back to the hosts are they are in camp with the finalists. Myleene asked them how they feel when they are about to leave camp soon. Salley says he feels like a champion, Lou responds saying he feels like a victor, and all of them laugh. Damien congratulates Torrie as being the only person to survive every public elimination and asks her did she think she would make it this far. Torrie says she didn't think she would make it this far but then again her whole experience has been surreal. Myleene asks Lou that since he has over 20 years experience as a leading man how does his experience in the jungle was like? Lou said his experience in the jungle had been "head & shoulders and out of left field of anything he has experienced". Damien says that they never seen Salley's competitive game play and will he be disappointed if he lost. Salley said that he is not a loser because he's gotten so much out of the jungle than anybody else. Myleene talks to Torrie about having the urge to quit. Torrie said she is not a quitter but she has had some bad days. Myleene talks to Salley about his "bad hour". Salley somewhat indirectly blamed Janice Dickinson for it, but he walked away, and got some zen relaxed time out of it, to which Myleene responded that once Salley found his zen he never looked back, Salley said that he did never looked back because there's nothing you can do but move forward. Damien talks to Lou about how thoughtful he was and what did he learn from his jungle experience. Lou learned that he can still be his own stuntman and how much he loves his family. Myleene said to the finalist how much they wanted to win so badly but also how close friends they are. Video package airs of confessional videos from the finalists about how much they like each other. The finalists see the video package and they smile. The hosts thank the finalists for being good camp mates. Coming up next the losers enter camp and there will be one more elimination before the winner is announced.
Commercial Break 3
Back to the hosts as they hype the upcoming winner and they bring in the losers. The hosts & the losers have some small talk. Myleene talk to The Pratts since they have been away the longest what do they think of the finalists. Spencer said that they have indeed lost a lot of weight and he has been eating for the both of them. (RD: Man I wish there were some crickets to chirp on that one.) Spencer also says he's been thinking of them every time he eats and Heidi compliments on their jungle green clothes. Damien asks Daniel what was his favorite experience in the jungle. Daniel said trying to catch a fish in the river and it never happened. Daniel said jokingly that he & Lou are going to stay in the jungle an extra week to catch that fish. Myleene talked to Holly & Heidi about since The Baldwin Brothers were together were they disappointed they were never together. Holly didn't know Heidi left & Heidi was sad she & Holly weren't together. Damien talks to Mrs. Blago about how "the real world" (RD: Not the Reality TV Series.) was like. Mrs. Blago said it's better than anything they could imagine. Myleene talks to Sanjaya about the Trials and what was his favorite. Sanjaya said his favorite was the "Flash Flood" Trial because it was fun. Damien brought up the competitiveness of the men versus the women. Video package of the men dominating the women in all the Trials. When the video package finished airing Damien said the men beat the women 10 Trials to 3! (RD: That's a slaughter! Also out of that the women won 1 Food Trial & both Luxury Trials. Hrm...) Myleene mentioned most of the Trials were all about the food and the finalists are about to get their Food Trial rewards.
Back at camp where a table has been set up with some food placed on it. The finalists see the table & food and they were impressed by it. The finalists said a little prayer and revealed what they would be eating for their final meal in the jungle. Torrie's eating a Large Vegetarian Pizza. (RD: Pfft. That Vegetarian Pizza looks like crap. Torrie you need to go to Round Table Pizza and get yourself a "Gourmet Veggie Pizza". Because those are delicious!) Lou's old school with a Fried Chicken with Mashed Potatoes. And Salley's eating a Tofuburger with Fries. The finalists are enjoying their meals. Salley talks to Lou about how important winning the show is. Lou said that the first thing he stepped in the jungle to do was to win the show for his kids. Salley asks the same question to Torrie. Torrie sees this as a way for young girls & women to survive something as fierce as a jungle while looking feminine. Salley compliments them for being great competitors but he's going to win the show.
Commercial Break 4
Video package of the losers talking about the finalists and comparing each of them. Most of the losers are split as to who will win it, except for The Pratts because Spencer wants himself to win and Heidi would vote to Spencer. (RD: Geez! Even in a clip where it's all about the finalists Spencer Pratt is still an egotistical douche with Heidi as a mindless "sheep".)
Back to the hosts where they hype it's finale night and they are in camp with the finalists & the losers. And...
Damien: "John Salley, Lou Diamond Phillips, & Torrie Wilson. The next Celebrity to leave the jungle forever is.........John (Salley)."
Salley is the final elimination. Meaning it's Torrie or Lou as the "King/Queen Of The Jungle." Salley hugs Lou, Torrie, & the hosts and moves over to where the losers are. Myleene shows Salley his goodbye video package. Video package of Salley's experience in the jungle with Salley watching it. The hosts recap that Salley has been eliminated. Coming up. The winner of "I'm A Celebrity! Get Me Out Of Here!"
Commercial Break 5 (RD: One more to go and I'll be done forever! Woo-hoo!)
Back to a video package of Lou recapping his jungle experience. Then we see another video package of Torrie recapping her video experience.
Back to the hosts where they are at camp. And...
Damien: "The public has decided, and voted, and I can honestly tell you that it has been incredibly close. Lou. Torrie. The winner of 2009 "I'm a Celebrity! Get Me Out Of Here!" is...............Lou Diamond Phillips!"
Lou hugs Torrie. Lou is somewhat beaming with pride at winning the show. Salley rushes over to lift & hug Lou. The losers run over and hug Lou & Torrie. The hosts are trying to get Lou away from everybody to give him his crown, scepter, and throne. Myleene pulls Lou away. Myleene sits Lou down on his throne, puts his crown on his head, and gives him his scepter. Damien recaps that Lou is now the "King Of The Jungle" and the winner of "I'm A Celebrity! Get Me Out Of Here!" The hosts thank everybody watching and they will see them next year. (RD: You mean this show will be on next year?!?!? NO!)
Ending credits of the finalists and our winner Lou Diamond Phillips.
Next Time: There is no next time. I am done!
Well that's it. Torrie Wilson did not win but she went further than any other person with a pro wrestling background in a Reality TV Show competition by being runner-up, beating Stacy Keibler of 3rd Place on "Dancing With The Stars". A wrestling news related item after the show is that Torrie Wilson is going to release a fitness video after her experiences in the jungle.
There's is no way that I'm doing another recap of this show next year. Unless...
Oh Dear God In Heaven! NO!!!
If you don't mind I'll be taking a LONG break this week. Doing recaps of this show has been hell on me for a bunch of reasons. So I'm taking a break to recharge and to get some pallet cleansers in the form of TNA Impact (just to remember how bad a show can really be) & episodes of "Primeval". When I do come back. "Random Thoughts" on all the wrestling news that I have missed since the recapping of "I'm A Celebrity! Get Me Out Of Here!"
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