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  NoDQ.com > Columns > RD: One Gigantic Group "What The Hell?!" Again!
Posted by Raging Demons on 05/26/2009 at 07:29 AM


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You know. I really was going to do a "Phonin' It In" for Sacrifice. I had this whole deal about "sacrificing" items or concepts. My pride, my TV, those sorts of things.

But it takes one very over the hill ex-valet and a couple of recent things that a wrestling promotion that would make me say the following...

BEFORE I DO THAT. I did have this killer joke that I was going to use. Since I am doing this. I so do not want to waist it so here goes.

I heard that Archie is finally deciding on who he is going to marry after 70 years of publication. Archie has to choose either Betty or Veronica to marry. Now like yourselves I read an Archie comic when I was a kid. So I thought why not help Archie out in deciding who he should marry.

What you see here is a simple "Polymerization" Magic Card.


In the wrong hands one of these is pretty powerful. Let's see what I can do when I combine Betty & Veronica! If you can't decide why not have both? So here goes nothing.

I Activate The Magic Card "Polymerization!"


I'll combine Betty & Veronica...


To BRING OUT!



Wow! Really? Seriously?!? Damn!

Anyways back on topic. It's time when I say the following...

WWE, Missy Hyatt, and WWE Yet Again! What The Hell?!?

Let's start out with the first one.

1. WWE is making news that made me notice. The Divas Title and Women's Title have not been changed or appeared in a Pay-Per-View in quite awhile. The reason? Well the "rumor" has it that Vince McMahon appears to be "down on the womens division due to some sloppy matches on TV" according to The Sun. First of all. ARE THEY BLIND?!?! WWE created this in the first place with their hiring practices.

Let's take a look at their current Divas roster on wwe.com. Remember kiddies. "Divas" are women that were hired, they are trained wrestlers, and they know what they are doing. "Un-Divas" are women that were hired because they can fill out a bikini, most of them have a modeling background of some kind or were a part of the "Diva Search", and they had to be trained as wrestlers which in the end they look like flaming train wrecks in the ring.

"Divas"
Beth Phoenix
Gail Kim
Jillian Hall
Katie Lea
Melina
Mickie James
Natalya

"Un-Divas"
Alicia Fox
The Bella Twins
Candice Michelle
Eve Torres
Kelly Kelly
Layla
Maria
Maryse
Skeletor, I mean Michelle McCool
Rosa Mendes

The "Un-Divas" outnumber the "Divas" by four. Six really since Katie Lea & Natalya are just valets now. So that leaves 4 "Divas" that can wrestle versus the rest of the crap that are the "Un-Divas". Gail Kim, Beth Phoenix, Jillian Hall, and Mickie James may be skilled. But they aren't miracle workers!

Also it doesn't help when most of WWE's hiring practices are towards physically attractive women that have modeling experience and not actual women wrestlers. Most of WWE's hires for the past year have been "Un-Divas". Angela Fong is an "Un-Diva" that can turn "Diva" if I hear the news correctly. The last three hires of women talent were the following: A bikini model, a British body double for Britney Spears (you heard me! A FREAKING BODY DOUBLE!), and an actual legit woman wrestler. It took them a year to hire that one woman wrestler. And Vince McMahon is disappointed with the Divas wrestling abilities. The ONE thing TNA is doing right with their "Knockouts" is hiring women that can do the job. And if they look good, bonus! So WWE. If you want to do something right for the Divas. Make sure you hire people that are...oh I don't know...competent!

2. Now I'm going to go a bit easy on this one. You'll understand in a bit. I have to say this first.

Missy Hyatt. What The Hell?!?

One website, PXPIX.net, has reported on who the identity of the infamous "20 Official Rules For WWE Diva Afterlife" article that was written and passed on to various news sites and that I gave a rant on in the previous column. And it's none other than Missy Hyatt. Who's Missy Hyatt you say? Well to all of the younger wrestling fans that don't know who she is I'll tell you.

Missy Hyatt is a legendary pro wrestling valet. Most of her time is spent on the indy circuit, NWA Crockett (the NWA promotion that was on the air in the 80's that was owned by The Crockett Family before Ted Turner bought it and turned it into WCW), WCW, Old ECW (ECW that was an indy wrestling promotion owned by Paul Heyman. The ECW on TV right now is what fans refer to as "WWECW") and so on.

I kind of find it really funny & hypocritical that Missy if it is her makes fun of all Ex-WWE Divas like Trish Stratus YET she's been living in the past this entire time selling her books about her autobiography, telling of her sexual exploits and so on. And Missy barely had a cup of coffee (she was there for a short amount of time) in WWE. Technically she isn't even a WWE Diva since the whole "Diva" thing happened after she's gone from WWE. Profile kinda fit too since Missy used her body to get what she wanted. Yet she rants about how ex-WWE Divas are acting.

I think Missy, who is now WAY old and looks like at times one of those strippers that shouldn't be working in a club but has to since that is the only thing she knows how to do, is quite jealous. This isn't a commentary of some kind. This is a woman who didn't get the opportunities that the WWE Divas & yes some TNA Knockouts had received during their lifetimes. I bet Missy Hyatt would had loved getting to be in a Playboy photo spread, or be in a movie, or had started a successful business, or started a charity that helps out people, or star & host Reality TV Shows. Instead Missy Hyatt has nothing but what she has and she threw it all away by being a sex toy which is according to the stories she had told.

Missy. Grow Up! Ex-WWE Divas are doing what Ex-WWE/TNA/hell ROH wrestlers are doing today. Selling their past to make some money. Just like what your doing now. Only difference is that they are more successful at it than you. Also let me add by saying that MAYBE you haven't realized that your sex appeal is dead. You had a chance to hit the "Moola approach" like you mentioned but you threw that away by writing the list.

So Missy Hyatt. If you are in fact the person that wrote "20 Official Rules For WWE Diva Afterlife" you need to take a good strong look in the mirror and realize that the whole list revolves around you. If you not the person then let me say that I'm sorry for everything EXCEPT for the "aged stripper look" because quite frankly your slowly turning into one with the recent pictures that I saw of you. YIKES!

3. Back to WWE again. But this time it's over this whole "Denver Debacle".

Quick recap if some of you don't know what it is. The NBA team Denver Nuggets are in the NBA Playoffs for the first time in over 20 years. Sounds good right? One little problem though. Game 4 of the NBA Finals versus those douchebags L.A. Lakers (Yes I hate them. Especially Kobe Bryant) happens to land on the same date when RAW would be booked to perform in the Nuggets home arena.

This story made huge news mostly because the Denver Nuggets horribly screwed up on their booking. Every major sports news outlet were screaming that WWE had the right to sue the Nuggets over this. WWE had settled a secretive deal with the Nuggets and their owner and they had to try and find another place to host RAW. They did in The Staples Center. The end right? OH HELL NO! This is WWE that we're talking about here.

Instead they over-hyped this thing big time. Granted some of it I can understand since they had so little amount of time to try and get The Staples Center sold out for Raw, Smackdown, & ECW. I can understand that part. But the rest of it. OYE! Vince McMahon saying in every interview possible that he felt "wronged". WWE.com posting a picture of with Vince McMahon as an "angel" while the owner of the Denver Nuggets as a "devil". Constantly mentioning on WWE.com & Smackdown how they were mis-treated by the Denver Nuggets owner and franchise. Then we get what happened on RAW tonight. Vince McMahon telling off some guy who played the Denver Nuggets owner that he's "anus envy" (well he said something that rhymed with "anus"), said that if he created a basketball league it would go bankrupt because he would hire the Denver Nuggets office staff to run it, and so forth.

OH PLEASE! This whole situation sounds a lot like "Fatal Attraction" in some way. Michael Douglas is the Denver Nuggets. "He" cheated on the Nuggets with Glenn Close, which is portayed by WWE. Close goes all medieval and basically saying that "I'm not going to be ignored". YEs the Nuggets hoarked over WWE. Yes this is way ridiculous. But the one thing I'm really angry about is this guy.

Southern Californians were the only ones that saw this on last week's Smackdown. Some guy named Jack Kerouac, or Krackon, whatever this guys named is. And he did something very unprofessional for someone in his profession. The guy was popping his "s" during the whole thing.

What am I talking about? In an episode of "Family Guy" Dan Rather is doing the news. He over-emphasized the "s" sound in certain words, he then overheats by steam coming out of his ears and somebody had to put Dan Rather in a corner to cool down. That's what this guy was doing! Only in this instance it was not intentional! One of the things I learned from my broadcasting days was that your not supposed to do that because it is very distracting but can screw up what your trying to say. And this guy was doing it the ENTIRE time. Couldn't they get somebody else better than him? I could do what that Jack Guy did piss-ass drunk and STILL look more competent than him! Damn!

Missy Hyatt & WWE did a couple of things that I had to question them on. Back-to-back rants is something I don't want to do.

This week I'm taking some time off. Next week expect more from me. A LOT more. Why?

On June 1st. A little show called "I'm A Celebrity! Get Me Out Of Here!" will debut and I'll cover it for one reason. Torrie Wilson! They air this crap and cancel "My Name Is Ear?!?" That's why NBC is last folks.




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