NoDQ.com > Columns > RD: Unknown Ex-WWE Diva. "WHAT THE HELL?!?" Posted by Raging Demons on 05/11/2009 at 08:04 AM
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Truth is I already had something planned for this week. Possibly doing a "Phonin' It In" for Sacrifice which is coming up. But then I read the following news item. It just made me want to say this:
Anonymous Former WWE Diva. WHAT THE HELL?!?
I'm referring to the following piece that was sent to all the "news sites". All that was known from the piece is that a former WWE Diva wrote something called "20 Official Rules For WWE Diva Afterlife." The piece is supposed to be written by an "ex-WWE Diva." It's supposed to be a humor piece based on the life of what ex-WWE Divas do when they are no longer a part of WWE. Most of it is aimed towards us the wrestling fans who attend wrestling conventions and other ex-WWE Divas.
There are some of this piece that I actually got a chuckle out of me and that I do admit. The rest of it on the other hand is in my opinion one of the most tasteless and mean-spirited things I have ever read. And this is coming from a guy that has read most of the Muchnick wrestling related stuff.
Let's take a look at the list:
"1. Don't worry, it will grow back fine... just cut it down and stop bleaching it dummy. Now your natural color will be seen as a "new look" and you will experience refreshed marketability. Take some brand new all natural 8x10's at Wal-Mart and work it girl!"
RD: Okay I had a chuckle on this one. My guess is this was a dig as Trish Stratus changing her hair color from blond to brunette. Why go after this? Anybody can change their hair color if they want to?
"2. Remember you can always bleach your hair again back to the "classic look" to boost your self esteem for a week. If you ever get cancer from the dye, just ask Dawn Marie to sell her unwashed panties through Wrestlers Rescue to help pay for the medical bills."
RD: This one offends me more than anybody since not only I am a "Wrestler's Rescue" promoter but also a contributor since I recently donated some merchandise to "Wrestler's Rescue."
Anybody want to know how Wrestler's Rescue got started out in the first place? Dawn Marie has a sister-in-law named Carrie that suffers from a horrible disease called "RSD" for short. Basically the disease is the equivalent of fibromyalgia on steroids since it mostly effects the involuntary parts of the body. So Dawn Marie tried her best to raise money for a treatment that is really expensive. After Dawn Marie's sister-in-law received the money for the treatment she realized that she could used her connections to raise funds to help out the "broken toys" or ex-pro wrestlers who cannot afford the health care that they need.
Dawn Marie has now received donations from Mick Foley, TNA, WWE, and Jim Ross as examples for items to donate for auctions to raise money. So to go out and basically say that "Wrestler's Rescue" is worthless quite honestly is completely tasteless and a horrible thing to say.
"3. If your just coming off TV, then your used to the schedule. Always starve yourself before every appearance and pig out at your favorite fast food restaurant afterwards. Nothing new. Eating disorders and binging cycles are totally normal and healthy. It's a Diva's way of life, 4-life."
RD: So your basically promoting eating disorders which in turn can seriously be physically & psychologically damaging to the people that have these conditions. Once again shown how idiotic this "ex-WWE Diva" can be. Unfortunately we do live in a world where looks can be important and proof can be seen since most of the WWE Divas today are "Un-Divas" (Divas hired to fill out a bikini and can't wrestle even if there is a gun pointed to there heads). But in this society today we do say "stop" or "get some help" if you do in fact suffer from this. How superficial do you think that we, the "wrestling fans", think we are today?
"4. If you haven't done so already, you need to go **** either Scott Levy, Batista or Ric Flair before he dies. Do a few lines of coke with them too. It makes for a great tell all shoot and high self worth."
RD: Funny. I heard nothing about Raven being somewhat "sexual". The other two. Sure I know. Even the "rumor" was Shelley "Ariel/Salinas" Martinez got released from WWE when she refused to sleep with Batista. The drug stories on the other hand. I HIGHLY doubt that happened. Especially since with Batista's recent autobiography. I have a feeling that the "ex-WWE Diva" was taking shots at Missy Hyatt. Even though Hyatt has not worked in WWE she does have stories like this. I think this "ex-WWE Diva" takes shot at backstage politics. Apparently she forgot that it can work the other way too since there have been stories about WWE "Agent" Pat Patterson, being an openly gay man, having sex with other men wrestlers in exchange for pushes as well. Thus the "thinly veiled entrendres" of the late Gorilla Monsoon ribbing on Steve Lombardi a.k.a. "The Brooklyn Brawler" back in the 80s.
"5. The wrestling convention circuit is 10x200. The same 10 money marks will book you and the same 200 losers will show up each time. Milk 'em for all they are worth cause it's all you got left. Virgil will be at every show so you might as well get to know him too. And yes, he is a real creep."
RD: Most of the time I've seen Virgil has been on the "Wizard World" tours and the "San Diego Comic-Con". Last time I heard they have been pretty HUGE events for comic book fans. I don't consider these "money marks". And this is a dig to use wrestling fans. Remember "ex-WWE Diva". We can make you, and we can break you. If we do find out who you in fact really are. You wanna bet that we "losers" as you call it will never show up in whatever you do. Thus you LOOSE money! Think about that. And to end this on a different note "Wrestlecrap Radio" used to promote something where fans should punch Virgil in the groin just for grins. If you think Virgil is a creep then kick him in the NUTS! Else. Don't complain about it or go near him.
"6. Appearing at 3 Flea Markets per week is officially known as "doing a tour". Congrats on the success!"
RD: As stated before "Wizard World" & "San Diego Comic-Con" cannot be seen as "Flea Markets". I cannot say for some of the other places that ex-WWE Divas go to. I do know of one place that is not a "Flea Market" that attracts not only a lot of ex-WWE talent but current TNA talent like Samoa Joe, Mick Foley, and "My Pal & Yours" Christy Hemme. The place is known as "Frank & Sons". It's a popular collectible show in my area that's open two days a week: Wednesdays & Saturdays. It's so popular that not only finding a parking spot is a royal pain but if you know anybody that collects something, say comic books for example, and you name drop "Frank & Sons" in Southern California. They are going to know what it is. Insulting the places that you can get money by signing autographs and pictures will mean that once the "ex-WWE Diva's" identity is known. You want to bet that theses "flea markets" will never hire her again?
"7. Letting men touch your breasts for an extra $5 during photo-ops is an excellent business strategy."
RD: Objectifying yourself for money. Sounds like stripper talk to me.
"8. If the photo-op printer ever stalls and delays, just give them an index card with your own lip prints on it. It will make their day that you were soooo selfless, giving and thoughtful of their patience."
RD: Ironically I've been a victim of this. Christy Hemme was recently doing these "kiss cards" for money. She gave me mine for free. Looking at this I just have to say...Are you insane?!?
"9. It's perfectly normal to refer to other human beings as "fans", "clients" and "followers" but to their face- always call them "friend"."
RD: Once again sounds like stripper talk. Strippers always refer to them this way in order to try to create something with the person so they can try to create a regular to the club. Looks like someone is thinking of us "losers", as referring to a previous rule, as cash cows. Unfortunately this is limited. "Golden Rule" here. Treat us good and you will be rewarded, treat us like crap. Well...you know.
"10. Always smile and play nice with the co-workers you haven't seen in 5 years. These are your "best friends in the whole world"....somehow? That's how the wrestling family illusion rolls on"
RD: Well actually if you want to think of this way it can also be used to get BACK in the business that s**t canned you in the first place. Somehow whoever wrote this I don't think the whole "family concept" she didn't grab.
"11. Treat the disabled extra nice. Them pockets are deep with Social Security money and they spend like mad at the gimmick table."
RD: This is based on my personal experience so if any of you yell at me for this I'm going to ignore it. I grew up with a handicapped person. Serious handicap too since he was in a wheelchair since birth. He learned to use his handicap for not only good, but for bad as well. He used his handicap to exploit people to get whatever he needed. Last time I saw him he tried to use his handicap to get himself out of a situation that he created. Pretty soon I found out about other handicapped people that were using their conditions for bad as well. Lesson is that the handicapped are just like you and me. If this "ex-WWE Diva" is going to use them for extra money. What makes you think the handicapped are going to use them for their needs as well?
"12. You will never draw like Trish Stratus, you will never look like Trish Stratus and you will flat out never be Trish Stratus... but don't ever stop trying hun'."
RD: Jealous much? Sure Trish Stratus may be the greatest women's wrestler of this generation. Since Trish is still popular starring in Canadian TV and an appearance on a Reality TV Show here and there. Sounds like the "ex-WWE Diva" that wrote this wanted the success that Trish Stratus has.
"13. But yes, I know you are still a big star... right in your head."
RD: Thus this pathetic list that you write. I wonder why you didn't mention your name since your SUCH a big star. Afraid of not getting hired anywhere? Coward!
"14. Even if you got fired, always say that you left "on your own terms" or because of an "undisclosed dispute". This will always make you appear above the business."
RD: Or whine and complain that you were "sexually harassed" like Sable did.
"15. Always say that a WWE return is "right around the corner" and "never say never" when you know damn well they wouldn't take you back if you begged."
RD: Aw plausible deniability. My good friend. Also another stripper tactic since strippers do in fact create the illusion that they do want you.
"16. When the going get's tough, selling your used tampons on eBay is a great way to make some additional cash."
RD: I'm guessing she doesn't know that you can't do that on eBay. eBay has rules against the selling of "fluids" of any kind since years ago somebody try to sell their urine online.
"17. I know the crows feet and wrinkles are building up. It's ok, no one is going to seriously book your used up, worn out ass after age 45 anyway. It's now time to assume the Moolah role."
RD: What? Hold a title that no one used for over 25 years. Moolah in fact did work in the 80s defending that title before loosing it to Rockin' Robin. I think that this "ex-WWE Diva" is always thinking about her looks. You can, oh I don't know, do other things besides the conventions and anything wrestling related. Here are some examples:
Lita: Hosts a punk rock shot in Georgia and leads "The Luchagors"
Trish Stratus: Owns her own Yoga Studio
Victoria: Learning to be a DJ while training for a possible MMA career
Christy Hemme: Trying to get in the music business.
Or you can retire and be a mother like Francine did. That would mean that somebody would like you now huh?
"18. There's nothing wrong with forever living in the past. Tammy Sytch still lives in 1996, and look there's nothing wrong with her."
RD: In Sytch's defense I've known some people that haven't changed their looks in years. At least Tammy Sytch is trying to do something like self-promoting herself for being a spokeswoman for selling merchandise. All be it badly though. But she is trying. Not being spiteful like this "ex-WWE Diva" is.
"19. Why have any normal relationships? You can have every lonely pervert from Philadelphia to Oakland lusting after you. Being emotionally unstable is F U N!"
RD: And lonely. That's the true result of using other people for your own personal needs. You don't love yourself or the things you've earned because of it. And if you haven't seen "The Wrestler", like I did, don't you think they possibly come there just to pity you? Think about that one for a bit.
"20. Remember that Jesus forgives you for all of your sins, so everything listed above is A-OK. Just rinse and repeat."
RD: Jesus MAY forgive you. But I don't. I'll basically go and say "Just F-Off and die". While making your life a living hell.
"In closing: Yes this is one sad life but hey it's all you know.... so do it like a professional!"
RD: Here's my closing. I'm thinking that the "ex-WWE Diva" that wrote this has been used for only one thing her entire life. A sex object. Most of her "rules" if you want to call it like that reflects what strippers do to keep their customers. Use the guys for money, create a relationship, maintain that relationship, and continue that for your own personal gains. And like I have cited before this "ex-WWE Diva" can do other things besides using her fame and looks for money. With already mentioning Christy Hemme, Victoria, & Lita. You can go back to college like Cherry or Beulah did. You can go and create a business or in this case a charity like Dawn Marie did. You can have a family. You can do all sorts of things. Instead you want to focus on the past and your looks. Don't feel too bad. Most ex-WWE wrestlers and those you fell out of popularity do that all the time. Take a look at the most recent Reality TV Shows. I mean you have actors who are known just for one character, Dustin Diamond as "Screech" from "Save By The Bell" comes to mind, keeps using that fame to make whatever money they can in order to live. Instead this "ex-WWE Diva" disrespect the ones that have turned their lives around either to do good or hire them. And if this person thinks this was funny. Let me ask you and all the readers a little question here. Did anybody think Michael Richards saying that racial slur at that comedy club a lot was funny? Well neither was this.
I think you need to stop acting like the skanky ass stripper you think you are and grow up! One day your going to grow old and the only people that will give a damn will be the fans. And when the fans find out who you are "ex-WWE Diva", you will never be hired by any place or respected by the fans ever again. It's like what your father says when your in trouble. WE brought you into this world and WE can take you out as well.
Wait a minute! Mostly used for her looks! Disrespecting "Wrestler's Rescue"! Dyed Hair! Around when Bastista and Flair were working in WWE at the same time. Used her looks to get money! Mentioning a possible WWE return!
You think that it could quite possibly be....
NAH!!!! She's already got enough on her plate for being...her!
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