Not your usual "Phoning It In" because this is actually the one time of the year when a fan can truly come out with their own predictions because Wrestlemania is quite literally a time where some things don't change but things might shock you.
Let's get in the mood here. Open a new window/tab here at the following link here while you read this. Doesn't it get you in the mood for Wrestlemania? Quite honestly it gets me in the mood for anything.
AND...here we go! These are the current matches that wwe.com are listing right now.
WWE Championship Title Match
Triple Threat Match
Randy Orton defends the title vs Triple H & John Cena
Winner: John Cena
Reason: Well we know Orton isn't going to retain the title because a "bad guy" champion never wins or retains the title at a Wrestlemania. Since the word that Cena's new movie "12 Rounds" came out and Cena could be filming scenes sooner than later. The rumors are going to go towards Triple H winning it all. But knowing WWE and their mad gay love for "Kal-El" A.K.A. Cena. I see this happening. Cena gets the win and the title at Wrestlemania, then when he goes off to film his movie, drops the title to the nearest victim possible...in this case Triple H. That way everybody wins...except us fans because we want Cena killed with a Kryptonite dagger.
World Heavyweight Title Match
Edge defends the the title vs The Undertaker
Winner: The Undertaker
Reason: Not because it's a no-brainer because of the streak. Undertaker's win here actually makes a lot of sense. With Edge's antics as of late which started all the way back to May of last year (Edge saving two storylines for two injured wrestlers when he used Mr. Kennedy's "Money IN The Bank" briefcase to beat Undertaker for the belt") to today with Edge's "relationship" (*shiver* Ugh! I think I'm tasting vomit in my mouth when I write this next sentence) with GM Vickie Guerrero. Hi-Jinx & Hilarity will ensue in this match like hell! But 'Taker will get the win in the end.
No Holds Barred Match
The Big Show vs WBC Welterweight Champion Floyd Mayweather
Winner: Floyd Mayweather
Reason: Oh I can think of 2 MILLION reason why Mayweather will win. They recently changed this match to a "No Holds Barred" match because in this columnist's opinion I think Mayweather was going to look really sloppy in this match and by going "No Holds Barred" (where's Tom "Tiny" Lister when you need him as "Zeus"? *rimshot*) it will make both of them look good.
"Nature Boy" Ric Flair vs "The Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels
If Ric Flair looses he MUST retire.
Winner: Shawn Michaels
Reason: How many times have I told you in my previous "Phoning It In" columns with Ric Flair's career on the line saying Flair will win and loose at Wrestlemania thus he retires. Well here yah go! Thanks for the memories Ric. Your truly are a living legend. Now please for the love of god wear a shirt! I don't want to see your aging man boobs ever again!
Money In The Bank Ladder Match
7-man Ladder Match. Winner gets a World Title Contract that's good for One Year
Participants: WWE Tag Team Champion John Morrison, CM Punk, Carlito, Shelton Benjamin, Mr. Kennedy, United States Champion MVP, Intercontinental Champion Chris Jericho
Winner: Carlito
Reason: I have two very hard predictions to make. And this is one of them. Take out all the title holders (Jericho, Morrison, MVP) because of those titles which means they have pushes. Shelton Benjamin has competed in three of the four "Money In The Bank" Ladder Matches and has not won it so take him out. Punk has been getting backstage heat as of late so he's out. That leaves Carlito & Mr. Kennedy. One that was caught in a steroid scandal, and one that almost left WWE with a promise to push him if he stays. And since Mr. Kennedy was caught with a needle in his arm, let's give the case to Carlito.
Batista vs Umaga
Winner: Batista
Reason: Well since the rumors have it that Umaga is going to go to Smackdown it would make sense that Batista defeats Umaga, Umaga then goes to Smackdown to continue his feud with Batista.
ECW World Title Match
Chavo Guerrero defends his title versus (winner of the 24 Man-Battle Royale...WITH CHEESE! which airs tomorrow 3/29 6:30P EST)
Participants in the Battle Royale...WITH CHEESE!: Elijah Burke, Lance Cade, Deuce, Domino, Tommy Dreamer, Jim Duggan, Festus, The Great Khali, Mark Henry, Hardcore Holly, Jesse, Kane, Brian Kendrick, Kofi Kingston, The Miz, Shannon Moore, Trevor Murdoch, Jamie Noble, Chuck Palumbo, Cody Rhodes, Snitsky, Stevie Richards (late minute add!), Val Venis and Jimmy Wang Yang.
Winner of the Battle Royale...WITH CHEESE!: Kane
Reason: Another tough prediction for me here. Most of them I don't care for or doesn't have it to carry the title. And I don't want Khali or Henry nowhere near a title. And Kane is somewhat lethal in a Wrestlemania Match so I figure...what the hell?
Winner of the ECW World Title Match: Chavo Guerrero
Reason: Doesn't matter who wins the Battle Royale...WITH CHEESE! Chavo will come out smooth as a baby's butt.
Belfast Brawl
Finlay vs JBL
Winner: Finlay
Reason: Don't like JBL. That's it. And I'm betting Finlay will carry JBL's ass for the entire match.
WWE Divas Lumberjack Match
Maria & Ashley vs Beth Phoenix & Melina
Winner: Beth Phoenix & Melina
Reason: Okay first this match got my hate when they are bringing in "celebuWHORE" Kim Kardashian for this. Then adding Snoop Dogg. Last time they used Playboy for a match wasn't it the Playboy Model Ashley that got her butt kicked by the pro wrestler Melina? Lightning will strike twice and Beth & Melina will kick some Bunny butt because Ashley's attitude as of late is really kinda pissing me off & Maria's Playboy pics not too happy with. Get me a "SCORE" girl darn it! Before I end this prediction funny thing I saw at WWE.com.
WWE.com: "They hate the fact that Ashley, who has taken the place of former Women's Champion and fellow Playboy cover girl Candice Michelle, was one of the women who paved the way for Divas like Maria to get an opportunity in Playboy" So. Are we ignoring the fact that Rena "Sable" Mero was the first ever WWE Diva that posed for Playboy because of a certain "boyfriend" of hers that screwed over the WWE that rhymes with "Schmock Schmesnar"? And I see that we are also ignoring Torrie Wilson (current WWE employee), my pal and yours TNA Knockout Christy Hemme (who as of today is STILL kicking all the other WWE Divas asses!) and that ROBEAST Chyna. Well Chyna you can ignore. I tell you, WWE "Creative History" at it's finest!
There you go. Some predictions at your finest. I had to use my brain for this. BLEH!
And starting next PPV. TNA PPV that is. Expect me to "Phoning It In" for some of those. Oh boy that WILL BE FUN!
Now if you'll excuse me I have to ride my bike, with no handlebars, no handlebars!
