Hello again…Basaltites, alright it’s a pretty bad name for my fans but I couldn’t think of anything better…its not as easy as you may think. In any case I am back, and since Cena got injured I can no longer rant about how people need to open there eyes, and I don’t want to talk about the normal things every other columnist writes about (Steroids, Jericho, Reviews etc) So I once again will be sharing my views on something I think the WWE needs to reintroduce to get better…that thing of course it the Manager!
Bobby “the brain” Heenan, “Mouth of the South” Jimmy Hart, Sensational Sherri, Mr. Fuji, Jim Cornette, Harvey Wippleman, Kim Chee, Paul Bearer, The Genius, Paul Ellering, Slick, the Million Dollar Man Ted Dibiase, these are just some of the great managers throughout the years in professional wrestling.
They managed everyone, from the greats like Hulk Hogan, Andre “the giant”, Macho Man Randy Savage, Shawn Michaels, The Undertaker, Steve Austin, Yokozuna, Owen Hart, Vader, Sid Justice, Mr. Perfect, Mankind, Kane, to the not so greats…Giant Gonzalez, Kamala, Zeus, Berzerker, Crush, Paul Roma, Henry Godwinn, the Barbarian, The Mountie, The Executioner and many…many in between.
They managed some of the greatest, most entertaining tag teams in the history of the sport. The Road Warriors, Demolition, Powers of Pain, The Orient Express, Rock & Roll Express, Rhythm & Blues, Natural Disasters, Money Inc., Nasty Boys, Harlem Heat, Beverly Brothers, nWo, The Islanders, DOA, The Dungeon of Doom, Mega Maniacs.
The manager, or valet used to be an integral part in both getting a wrestler over, and entertaining the fans during the matches as well, I am sure you can all remember the Heenan family, or how about the Million Dollar Corporation (the only true Corporation in my eyes) Managers used to be used as mouth pieces for either the wrestlers who couldn’t cut good promos or the monster heels who are best left being silent and scary.
Fast-forward to modern day WWE, and the types of wrestlers haven’t changed, you still have half the roster who can’t really promo worth a damn, and the other half is monster heals who shouldn’t be talking, the only difference is that there are no managers or valets to correct the problem.
Lets go through a few names of people who need a manager.
Umaga - Was great with Estrada, was a top notch heel, people loved to hate him and when he came out with Estrada and his crazy accent people were entertained…then the drop Estrada and now nobody speaks for Umaga so he just kind of screams when the camera is on him, and people care less, he has even lost some of his credibility as a monster. Before with Estrada as his handler, you believed he was a monster who was lead almost on a leash to the ring and unleashed on his unlucky opponent, now the crazy Samoan has enough sense to make his own way down to the ring, he knows he is getting paid to wrestle and is always on time, to me he loses some of his appeal.
Great Khali - I know many people hate Khali because he can’t be technical, or a flyer, but in my eyes if he had a real manager (not just the translator he has had recently) but go back to Davari he would be very entertaining. I watched Undertaker vs. Giant Gonzalez recently (wow was Gonzalez impressive in size) But with little Harvey Wippleman leading this giant of a man to the ring, such a small nerdy guy controlling a freak of nature like that was interesting and was fun to watch.
Mark Henry - Same as the previous two, he is supposed to be a monster force, but when he talks all I think of is that he is illiterate, if he had a manager to talk for him, he could stand back and look menacing, as he should.
Chris Masters - Is a decent worker, has a good look and a good gimmick, but when he speaks my ears bleed, put someone like Matt Stryker as his manager, and have Masters become even more or a narcissist, never speaking only staring at himself in mirrors like Luger back in the day.
(Also I would like to send out my best wishes to Lex Luger and hope he makes a full recovery)
Major Brothers - Right now they don’t really have a gimmick or anything going for them, get them a smart mouthed manager and get them a new gimmick and maybe we’ll have a tag team division again.
Cody Rhodes - Well faces don’t really work to great with managers but a valet for this guy wouldn’t hurt, put Michelle McCool with him it would work great, she isn’t bad on the microphone so she could make his TV time a little easier, on the ears and the eyes.
Now these are just some of the people who would really benefit from either a manager or valet, I am sure this would help WWE’s current problem of not having enough “top talent” because the only way people get pushed is if they can talk, so this gives the people who can’t talk the chance they never had. Or aren’t getting over like they should.
And before you write this off, just think where would Undertaker be today without Paul Bearer for the first half of his career? How about HBK or Bret Hart? Most people need to grow into talking on the mic, it isn’t a talent many people are just naturals at. So WWE bring back my Managers!
Side Stuff - I hope to write more frequently but been extremely busy with work lately, but I’ll try.
My E-fed is still looking for new members, we are also looking for people to write the matches, So if you have experience writing matches in another E-fed and enjoy doing that but don’t want a character you can join as just a writer if you want, or you can be both a character and a writer, or just a character it doesn’t matter.
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